Bush's Fault

Everything Barrack Obama has ever fucked up.

The American public waits wringing its hands to find out how Obama will declare that the assassination in Libya was Bush's fault.

18👍 146👎

Liberal Monopoly

A special version of the popular board game Monopoly, but with a few extra rules:

- One player gets designated the "Welfare Recipient." He sits on the GO square through the entire game, but every time someone else collects money from either rent or passing GO, he gets to collect 10% of it from that player for doing absolutely nothing.

- The Welfare Recipient can, on occasion, go to the Jail square at his leisure, but it is never his fault if he does so, and while there, all the other players must pay $20 every time they pass GO to keep him fed, clothed, warm, and with healthcare while he is in jail.

- On the return trip to the GO square from jail:

-- if the Welfare Recipient lands on any tax squares, the other players must pay it for him in equal shares;

-- if he lands on a rent square, the landlord collects rent from the bank instead of the Welfare Recipient

-- if he lands on Free Parking, he gets to collect any windfall to simulate taking his welfare check to the casino

-- if he lands on a railroad at the same time as another player, he may mug them for 1/5 of their total cash or, if that share would be less than $100, he can kill that player, ending the game for them.

The Welfare Recipient must also always use the CRACK PIPE as their piece of choice; if one doesn't exist, use a real one instead.

For some odd reason, the guy playing the Welfare Recipient is impossible to beat at Liberal Monopoly...

64👍 13👎

Wheat Thins and Beer

A poor replacement for breakfast, originating in the Anthrax song "Milk." Toss some wheat thins in a bowl, pour beer in it, and eat like it's cereal. Just remember the Anthrax lyrics when you try it.

"I'll just have Wheat Thins and Beer,
If I get sick the toilet is near!"

17👍 6👎

🏍️

The best vehicle man has invented, possibly a gift from the gods.

Biker guy: Hey can I pick u up on my 🏍️?
Cute girl: just marry me now 😍

1👍 1👎

Atheist

An atheist is a person who does not believe in the existence of *ANY* god(s). This term is consistently misused in modern society.

- Refusing to worship God doesn't make one an atheist. If one says things like "well God lets this stuff happen, so I don't believe in him...," it demonstrates that one does believe in God, they just choose not to follow him.

- Many self-proclaimed "atheists" actually hate God. Since it is illogical to hate something you profess does not exist, people who hate God cannot by definition be atheists. If your attitude is "well God lets this happen, so screw Him..." then you're not an atheist.

- People who "don't believe in Jesus" aren't atheists, they're just not Christians. Jews don't believe in Jesus either, that doesn't make them atheists.

- People who say "I'll find out when I get there" aren't atheists, they're agnostics.

- People who join a "National Organization of Atheists" are not atheists; if you don't believe something exists, you don't make a society dedicated to not believing it exists. That's nonsense.

There are very few true atheists in the world. Most "atheists" are actually just people with an axe to grind with God.

10👍 10👎

Cop Karma

"Intellectual" phenomena that leads people to believe going 15 under the speed limit for 3 miles after passing a cop will either:

A) Keep said cop from giving them a ticket for flying past him, or
B) Prevent subsequent cops from coming after them because they atoned for their speeding.

Despite the fact that he was doing 80 in a 55 zone when he passed the cop, the idiot in the Corolla in front of me then decided to utilize cop karma to keep from getting a ticket. He slammed on his brakes and then proceeded to drive 42 for three miles, but it didn't work: he got bagged 18 seconds later.

Transformers 2

The triumph of hope over experience.

People went to see Transformers 2 hoping it would take them back to their "glory days" when they watched the cartoon. Alas, Michael Bay is still a shitty director and the franchise is an insult to anyone who remembers their childhood with any fondness.

12👍 4👎