Irony

A non-existent and fictitious quality, although commonly referenced. The non-existence of irony can be confirmed from the fact that, although standard reference dictionaries name definitions such as "an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected, and/or the incongruity of this," any use of the term "irony" or "ironic" in keeping with such definitions invariably provokes whinging to the effect that the label "irony" is misapplied in this instance. Since the appropriateness of any usage of the word "irony" under any circumstances will inevitably be contested, it can be safely assumed that the word does not properly describe anything, and thus that "irony" does not truly exist.

"It's ironic how Oedipus' parents abandoning him in the mountains to try and prevent him from fulfilling his destiny to kill his father and marry his mother made him a stranger to them and made it possible for him to actually do so, isn't it?"

(Extremely nasal voice) "Ex-CUSE me, that's not what 'irony' ACTUALLY mea...whoa! Wh-what are you doing with those hedge clippers...! AAAAAGGHGHHH!!!!!!!!"

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