Mrs. Robinson

One with whom a person engages in sexual intercourse in anticipation of a long-pursued romantic interest finally putting out.

“Sounded like you had fun last night. Was that Becky?”
“Our date isn’t until Friday, that was just me and Mrs. Robinson practicing the Guatemalan Gardener.”

Gavin

A motherfucker who took my lunch money.

Fuck you Gavin. I swear to shit you better not come to school tomorrow.

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Monkey bomb

A sexual maneuver in which the pitcher covers his penis in carefully molded C4 then approaches the catcher and drops his pants. When the catcher, unaware of the preparation, gets down to blow the pitcher, the pitcher detonates the C4.

"So what're your plans for tonight?"
"I'm gonna give Becky the monkey bomb."
"The what?"
"Well, you know, when you get the C4, and you--"
"I believe that's called guro."

Location Noun

A very specific and highly impractical sex position or maneuver.

I was looking at Location Noun sex positions on Urban Dictionary the other day. I asked Becky if she wanted to try any, but she told me there's a hundred ways she could break her neck just from the first page of results.

Shocker knocker

Also known as the “Socker” or “Two in the pink, five in the think”, the shocker knocker is a donkey punch delivered during fingering.

Domestic abuse? Hell no, Mr Your Honor, I was just giving her the shocker knocker!

Guatemalan Gardener

A sexual position in which the pitcher stands on two skateboards (one foot per skateboard) with the catcher in a wheelbarrow-type position, suspended by the pitcher's penis on one end and a self-propelled lawnmower on the other. The lawnmower is turned on and the participants ride out of the garden down the street while they fuck.

"How'd you get that nose scar?"
"She leaned too far during the Guatemalan Gardener."

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Retcock

Short for “retroactive cockblocking”, retcocking prevents a male from becoming a teen parent when the female’s parent discovers that she has had unprotected sex and decides to beat the shit out of her.

I banged Becky behind Denny’s last week, but her dad retcocked me when he saw her with a pregnancy test. She should be out of the hospital by Monday.