canadian

1. a person who is overly self-righteous that they don't reside in America
2. a person who has excessive pride in something, i.e. a country, without any basis for that pride
3. a person who seems to get a lot of satisfaction from the blunders its southern neighbor makes; so in other words, a smug prig who is smug not because they do anything right or take any action and initiative in the international arena, but because they don't do anything wrong; i.e., they don't do anything period
4. a person that takes excessive pride in their peacefulness and healthcare and other domestic politicies; which is fine, but shouldn't be a point of bragging, because the only reason you have the domestic budget for those policies is because you have a junior military, something along the lines of an adventure camp; and the reason is because canadians rely completely on the U.S. armed forces and negating the need for their own, meaning they have a lot of money then to spend on social programs
5. a person who touts their nation's healthcare and low-crime rate to the point of moral superiority; that makes no sense considering the population of their country is a fraction the size of the U.S.; the only major steady flow of immigration comes from East Asia, esp. Taiwan, which is a hard-working and prosperous ethnic group where crime is almost non-existent; and also, the easiest way for an Asian to get Canadia citizenship is to prove to the Candadian government they have $1,000,000 in savings and assets; when that's the case, the immigrants have enough money to be taxed to support the canadian institutions, while American immigrants from Mexico are totally impoverished, so for them to get healthcare is to take from the U.S. government and give very little financially in return; crime in Canadian ghettos is very similar to American ghettos; if Canada had the quantity of ghettos as America does, the crime would be the same
6. a loser that trots around Asia because he can't get play from any of the good looking girls back home
7. slightly more evolved than an American redneck
8. a person with a questionable amount of nose hair growth
9. a person who thumbs his/her nose at American beer; which is easy to do when the American beer is one of the light beer giants--miller, bud, coors; but Yuengling, Sierra Nevada, and Sam Adams shit all over Molson
10. a person that says "oh yeah, Jim Carey's from Canada, so's Mike Myers"; first, Jim Carey is a has-been; second, these people live in America and Jim Carey actually got an American citizenship; but when it comes down to it, America would rather give ten million Mexicans citizenship and total welfare than allow Celine Dion sing one more song on American radiowaves
11. a person who idolizes American tv shows like the Simpsons and Seinfeld, who is completely soaked in American culture, who listens to all our hip hop and every other genre of music, watches all our movies with zeal, who in all matter of speaking is American, but talks trash on America all the same and inexplicably feels a sense of righteousness just because they are not actually an American citizen but in every other sense they are filled to the brim with American-ness; and they do this because they feel America doesn't respect them
12. A person who wishes they were American

"our country is beautiful, but we as a people suck enourmously; we offer little to music, film, art, and culture; even Quebec, the proletariats of the French Speaking world, don't want to be associated with us; the only Americans we like our hippie do-nothings pot-smokers who talk about alternative realities and dress in incredibly ugly clothes and have gapped teeth, just like us; I hate America because I'm not American, because American girls are a whole species higher in hotness and therefore I can only stare with longing; i better go to Asia because that's my best chance at a decent looking girl; Bush is a war criminal and every American is guilty by association; if I'm from Toronto I'm actually racist myself and call blacks "N#$#$rs", and I accuse Bush and America of hypocrisy when that alone makes me more of a hypocrite than I always was--I'm Canadian"

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