Random
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Random
A supermarket checkout assistant with a huge bony ridge on his forehead like a Klingon.
Monkus: Dad! Klingon alert!
Dad: Don't worry, its only Daniel Lumphead. Its David the Grunting Spacker you need to worry about.
Monkus: Shit, this place is full of retards.
138π 29π
The token midget at every Asda store. They are employed not only to pacify the Equal Opportunities brigade but also because they're really good at getting tins that have rolled under the shelves.
Dad, why is that little boy working on the checkout?
That's no boy, that's the Asda midget. Every store has one.
39π 12π
An appliance used by fat security guards for keeping all the food responsible for maintaining their waistline above 50 inches. To anyone else who has access to it its a repository for steaming piles of shit.
Pork Scotch (opening the Pork Scotch Fridge): Dear God what's that smell!
Maybe your food's gone off.
Pork Scotch: Someone's put a bag of shit in my fridge!
I saw some niggers hanging round earlier.
Pork Scotch: I'll kill 'em all!
19π 6π
A snot-coloured hi-viz jacket worn by fat ugly security guards who are terrified of rain. The Pork Scotch Jacket will be worn whatever the weather because the slightest bit of rain is a complete catastrophe to the fat bastard who cries himself to sleep wishing he was back in South Africa where his boyfriends live.
What's this fat old twat wearing? Looks like an overcoat made of snot.
Its a Pork Scotch Jacket. Although its a hundred degrees in the shade there's still a chance a drop of rain might come along to ruin the fat ugly bastard's year.
43π 2π
A fucking ugly bitch who goes out with the Porky Scotcher.
Who's the goofy cow taking a shit in the white van?
That's the girlfriend of the Porky Scotcher.
Fucking ugly bitch.
313π 157π
The bin in which Nogtard's bog was dumped by the Rogue Maltbyite. When the bog was discovered by Monk and Mick the dumpster stank to high heaven because of Nogtard's disgusting shits.
Monk: Are we going to get Nogtard's Bog out of the Maltby Dumpster?
Mick: Yes we have to. The Rogue Maltbyite must be beaten. We'll put it back on the Maltby Lorry with a new sign attached to it.
48π 8π
The vehicle of the Porky Scotcher's mother which the important security guard takes her out in. This chair has appeared in comedy photographs taken by Monkus and Mickus.
Quick Monk, get in the Scotchy Mother's Wheelchair before Goofy Granny gets back and I'll take a photo.
69π 40π