I Know This Guy

An "I know this guy" story is a bullshit story where one person thinks up something funny, cool, gross, weird, or sexy, but essentially untrue, and tries to pass it off as true by framing it as if it happened to someone they supposedly know. It's similar to the "I have this friend" story, where someone asks for advice about a problem that's really about them but they're too embarrassed to say so. "I know this guy" stories are purely about entertainment, however, not about seeking advice.

Jerry: "I know this guy... he caught his sister having sex with their cousin and two friends in their uncle's bed."
Joe: "Sure, Jerry. You *know* this guy. Riiight."
Jerry: "I swear! It's true!"
Joe: "Bullshit. What was the guy's name then?"
Jerry: "Well I don't *know* him, but I heard about it."
Joe: "Sure you did. Sick pervert."

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I have this friend

An "I have this friend" story, is a story where someone asks for advice about a problem that's really about them, but they're too embarrassed to say so. They're similar to "I know this guy" stories where one person thinks up something funny, cool, gross, weird, or sexy, but essentially untrue, and tries to pass it off as true by framing it as if it happened to someone they supposedly know. "I have this friend" stories are about seeking advice about an embarrassing problem however, not about entertainment.

Janet: "I need your opinion about something."
Mary: "What's up?"
Janet: "Well, I have this friend... She's thinking about cheating on her boyfriend with an old flame who called her up last week. She's not sure what she should do about it."
Mary: "Oh my God, Janet! Chris called you last week!?"
Janet: "It's not about me! It's a friend of mine!"
Mary: "Sure it is. Just make sure Tom doesn't find out."

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TFN

"They're fucked now..." Muttered in a movie theater at a point in the show when imminent doom descends upon a group of characters. Or, if it's only one person, HFN or SFN for "He's fucked now" or "She's fucked now".

Dan: "Ha ha! The bomb's gonna go off on 15 seconds and they just dropped the wire cutters down the sewer drain!"
Bill: "Ha ha! TFN!"

Gary: "Hanging onto the cliff with bloody fingernails, and the bad guy steps up with a shotgun. HFN..."

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Smitch

A word game played between bored friends where one person puts together a random string of letters into a pronounceable, but non-English word, and the other person has to explain what incident created that sound effect. The more hilarious the better.

John: Let's play Smitch.
Jared: Okay. I'll start... "Fliff!"
John: A mosquito flying into a candle flame.
Jared: Good one.
John: "Kloink!"
Jared: Someone flings a quarter at a veterans parade and it bounces off an old dude's helmet.
John: Ha ha ha! Yeah... "Kloink!"

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pregame

A term used by alcoholics who need to be drunk in order to have a good time. They chug their own bottles before going to an event to get a buzz on. And then they drive half drunk to the event and drink some more. Fun. Wee.

"Dude, are we gonna pregame before the bar? Drinks are so expensive!"
"Let's drive down there and pregame in the parking lot."
"That's lame, man!"
"At least we won't pulled over by the cops."

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pain-body

From the philosophy of best-selling author and spiritualist Eckhart Tolle, a pain-body is the collective manifestation of all the pain, misery, and sorrow a person has ever gone through their entire life, and all the things they inherited from their culture and family history as well. A person's pain-body feeds and strengthens itself by making themselves and others miserable. Tolle suggests that when someone is trying to pick a fight with you, piss you off, or just generally be a nuisance, it's simply their pain-body trying to feed. When someone is constantly on your ass about something, trying desperately to make your life miserable, they're said to have a very dense pain-body.

John: "Man, that Mary-ann is a walking pain-body if I ever saw one. She's been trying to piss me off all day."

Pete: "Then you probably shouldn't have married the bitch, huh?"

John: "Fuck you."

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feel my speed

To be in tune with the latest styles, lingo, skills, or information. Mostly used in reference to someone who isn't -- one who doesn't feel your speed. Usually said by someone way ahead of the crowd in trends, fashion, skills, or information. Used in reference to a race where one is among (or no where near) the leaders and can (or can't) feel the roar of the other engines.

1. That punk don't even feel my speed, and he ain't never gonna.

2. Feel my speed, bitch! (Catch up to where I am)

3. Now you're feelin' my speed.

4. I whipped his ass so bad in one-on-one, he couldn't even feel my speed.

5. That brotha came so fast she couldn't even feel his speed. (sometimes it's a bad thing.)