I have this friend

An "I have this friend" story, is a story where someone asks for advice about a problem that's really about them, but they're too embarrassed to say so. They're similar to "I know this guy" stories where one person thinks up something funny, cool, gross, weird, or sexy, but essentially untrue, and tries to pass it off as true by framing it as if it happened to someone they supposedly know. "I have this friend" stories are about seeking advice about an embarrassing problem however, not about entertainment.

Janet: "I need your opinion about something."
Mary: "What's up?"
Janet: "Well, I have this friend... She's thinking about cheating on her boyfriend with an old flame who called her up last week. She's not sure what she should do about it."
Mary: "Oh my God, Janet! Chris called you last week!?"
Janet: "It's not about me! It's a friend of mine!"
Mary: "Sure it is. Just make sure Tom doesn't find out."

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I Know This Guy

An "I know this guy" story is a bullshit story where one person thinks up something funny, cool, gross, weird, or sexy, but essentially untrue, and tries to pass it off as true by framing it as if it happened to someone they supposedly know. It's similar to the "I have this friend" story, where someone asks for advice about a problem that's really about them but they're too embarrassed to say so. "I know this guy" stories are purely about entertainment, however, not about seeking advice.

Jerry: "I know this guy... he caught his sister having sex with their cousin and two friends in their uncle's bed."
Joe: "Sure, Jerry. You *know* this guy. Riiight."
Jerry: "I swear! It's true!"
Joe: "Bullshit. What was the guy's name then?"
Jerry: "Well I don't *know* him, but I heard about it."
Joe: "Sure you did. Sick pervert."

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TFN

"They're fucked now..." Muttered in a movie theater at a point in the show when imminent doom descends upon a group of characters. Or, if it's only one person, HFN or SFN for "He's fucked now" or "She's fucked now".

Dan: "Ha ha! The bomb's gonna go off on 15 seconds and they just dropped the wire cutters down the sewer drain!"
Bill: "Ha ha! TFN!"

Gary: "Hanging onto the cliff with bloody fingernails, and the bad guy steps up with a shotgun. HFN..."

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pregame

A term used by alcoholics who need to be drunk in order to have a good time. They chug their own bottles before going to an event to get a buzz on. And then they drive half drunk to the event and drink some more. Fun. Wee.

"Dude, are we gonna pregame before the bar? Drinks are so expensive!"
"Let's drive down there and pregame in the parking lot."
"That's lame, man!"
"At least we won't pulled over by the cops."

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Smitch

A word game played between bored friends where one person puts together a random string of letters into a pronounceable, but non-English word, and the other person has to explain what incident created that sound effect. The more hilarious the better.

John: Let's play Smitch.
Jared: Okay. I'll start... "Fliff!"
John: A mosquito flying into a candle flame.
Jared: Good one.
John: "Kloink!"
Jared: Someone flings a quarter at a veterans parade and it bounces off an old dude's helmet.
John: Ha ha ha! Yeah... "Kloink!"

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Parrot Squawk

A comment in a YouTube video that simply repeats a line from the video, word for word, with no other comment than an LOL. It comes across as pointless squawking from a flock of parrots.

Now with the new timecode linking, parrots don't even need to type out the line. They can just type in the timecode and a link shows up.

Comment: "You ain't savin' no college money. You're saving bail money! LMAO!"
Reply: "Parrot Squawk."

Comment: "2:46 LMFAO!"
Reply: "Parrot Squawk."

feel my speed

To be in tune with the latest styles, lingo, skills, or information. Mostly used in reference to someone who isn't -- one who doesn't feel your speed. Usually said by someone way ahead of the crowd in trends, fashion, skills, or information. Used in reference to a race where one is among (or no where near) the leaders and can (or can't) feel the roar of the other engines.

1. That punk don't even feel my speed, and he ain't never gonna.

2. Feel my speed, bitch! (Catch up to where I am)

3. Now you're feelin' my speed.

4. I whipped his ass so bad in one-on-one, he couldn't even feel my speed.

5. That brotha came so fast she couldn't even feel his speed. (sometimes it's a bad thing.)

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