Down in the Trumps

The feeling of depression and sense of impending doom that sweeps through a person when they think about how Donald Trump is fucking up the world.

Nick has been Down in the Trumps ever since he watched that documentary about Donald Trump on TV.

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bumtum

A tum that looks like a bum. Usually occurs when a person gains weight and develops a crack down the centre of their stomach, with flabby asscheeks on either side. Can also be the result of hernia.

Sharon had better lose some weight, she's developing quite a bumtum there.

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Canversation

Talking on the phone while you're using the toilet.

I'm not comfortable having this obvious canversation, can we talk when you're finished?

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pregmatic

A very rare creature, a pregmatic woman is pregnant, however she can plan the birth of her baby and beyond from a practical perspective, rather than the usual hormonal emotional turmoil.

Midwife 1: Did you hear... Dierdre is planning to give birth on the day of her exam finals!

Midwife 2: Well, she's extremely pregmatic, so I dare say it will all go smoothly.

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reitano

When someone claims to be in a relationship, only nobody has ever met the alleged partner, or seen any evidence that they really exist.

MIKE: So, have you met Rob's new girlfriend?

ME: No... nobody has.... definitely sounds like a reitano to me.

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Tascernaceous

To vicariously get off on someone else's misfortune, from a distance.

The stage mums laughed with tascernaceous glee.

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Facebook mother

Someone on Facebook, usually a female, who drifts through their friends pages being a general comfort in other peoples affairs, needlessly bolstering courage, settling arguments which don't concern them, and remembering family events their friends never even told them about and certainly didn't invite them to. They offer unwanted marital and relationship advice. They make uncalled for suggestions about how to raise children. They tell busy, stressed mothers they should take a break "because you deserve it, hon" and they gently admonish fathers to make sure their wife " gets a little me-time". They promise to reveal hearty beef recipes (but never actually give any recipes away) and offer to knit baby clothes (but never actually knit any). Facebook mothers, like, totally get in the way in stressful times, and somebody should tell them to mind their own business, but nobody ever does.

Sue: I see your Facebook mother has been offering unsolicited advice again.
Joy: Yes, and if she wasn't so darn nice i'd tell her where she can stick her nosy suggestions.

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