Knobby Knoll

Quaint beach community near ramshackle Sacket's Harbor, NY. Numerous intoxicated residents disdainfully refer to each other as "Knobby Knollers". Ostensibly organized as a condo association with the rich distinction that the various units are actually shacks relegated to a maximum size slightly smaller than half a Taco Bell. Residents lovingly refer to their uninsulated, droopy shacks as "cottages." It is mostly populated by 3rd generation ne'r-do-wells, retirees who can't see, and various self-important "mayors". Favorite past-times include patrolling for "interlopers" from the Marina, mosquito hunting, booze on the beach, beers out back, wine in the woods, Pabst on the porch, drinks on the deck, leaches on the leg, skinny dipping in the dark, bickering at beach fires, belittling those "in back", doing it on the docks, and painting seagull rock. For an adult who has stayed sober enough to remain standing, the most exciting part of the day is being blinded by the sun slipping away. For kids, the most exciting time is bed time, where they happily sleep with sand in their bed, a lovely carcinoma-inducing sunburn, and their flea-infested best doggy friend by their side. Once a year, residents celebrate "Knobby Knoll' days where they trade junk and hold a parade to mock each other's children and pets. On July 4th, many residents host illegal fireworks displays which they generally point at each others "cottages" and those residents viewing from the bank.

I strolled over to Knobby Knoll, but there were so many people passed out that I kept tripping over 'em. I had a nice time kickin' it at the white elephant until I ended up with a leach on my leg and a firecracker lodged in my posterior.

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Losing Bigly

The forgotten sport of ancient kings.

Once widely played by ancient Royalty, Emperors, and Dictators, the game was briefly revived in the 40's before once more falling into relative obscurity. With great fan-fare Donald J Trump re-introduced the game to the American public in November, 2020. In addition to solidifying his historic place in the game, Trump is an adept player, well-advanced in his skill, and is currently the top-ranked player. He continues to demonstrate a long-standing commitment to the game. The top-ranked challenger in the inaugural 2024 Losing Bigly Championship is Ron DeSantis, affectionately known as "Meatball" by rivals. While widely panned for his fashionable footwear choices, Ron is proving to be a worthy competitor in his own right. In the 2024 Championship, Trump is heavily favored to win with Ron expected to come in a close second.

Trump appears to be giving up golf and once more committing himself to losing bigly.