Dirty spawn

When she has a bath after you jerked off in the tub water and she gets pregnant.

Sam: Great news! Annie is having a baby!
John: That's Great! But wait, how? I thought you've never had sex before...
Sam: It was a dirty spawn.
John: Oh....

Revved up douche

Taken from a lyric of Manfred Mann's "Blinded By The Light". A revved up douche is a douche of a person who is 'revved up', i.e., acting particularly douchey; someone being extra rude, loud, over the top, etc.

To be revved up like a douche is to be someone exhibiting behaviors like that of a douche that is revved up.

"Did you see that revved up douche in the crowd?"

See also:

"Man, Jack was really revved up like a douche today"