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Central Intelligence Agency. While the FBI handles domestic affairs and the ATF burns people in Waco, the CIA works overseas. Their job is similar to KGB, MI6, NSA, and Mossad.
But unlike Mossad, the CIA is one of the most fuckup-prone "intelligence" agency seems to be unable to handle anything without a huge fucking mess.
Story # 1: Iran and the Shah
The nation of Iran after world war 2 was doing fine. There was a moderate, elected president running the country. There was money. There was peace. But he was officialy a socialist according to the CIA so we went and overthrew him for a dictator called the shah. This of course pissed the Iranians off, and in the 80's the Ayatollah started a radical islamic revolution, took our embassy hostage for a year, and America's crisis in the middle east had officialy started.
Story #2: The Bay of Pigs
Fidel Castro is a communist. The CIA doesn't like commies in their 'hood, so the best course of action seemed to be training about 1000 Cuban boat people who fled Cuba after having supported Castro's enemy, arm them, and plan to send them over on ancient battleships dating back to 1940, with some tiny air support, and have them conquer a nation of 20 million that had mostly given Castro's revolution popular support. So one fine day, in a D-Day reenactment that would give any WW2 vet a heart attack, this imposing force stormed the beaches at this place called "Bay of Pigs." The few US airplanes supporting the assault got shot down, one of the boats sank, and the rest of the soldiers made it ashore and held out for a while before one of the worst mass surenders in us military history
Following this were many attempts to kill Fidel with exploding cigars (the cigars were noticed to be strangely heavy), a poisoned scubadiving suit (did nothing at all), spear-gun him while he was swimming (the spear-gunner drowned), stab him with a poisonous pen (the guy doing this turned out to be KGB), etc. Castro has survived for 40 years since, outliving 5 US presidents and Che.
Story #3: Nicaragua
What do you think when you hear the word "nun?" If you're thinking "Danger, must destroy" you'd make a good CIA agent. In Nicaragua during the 80's Contras(our guys) were fighting the Sandinistas(their guys), there was an order of Nuns that went around in war-torn Sandinista villages trying to help restore something resembling order. They couldn't go to the Contra villages, you see, because the Sandinistas controlled the country. But no matter, nothing wins the hearts and minds of the people like a group of US-equipped thugs kidnapping/shooting/raping nuns. Another little episode was the murder of Bishop Oscar Romero while he was saying mass on Easter morning in the cathedral in front of his entire congregation.
Story # 4: Panama
The dictator of Panama, Manuel Noriega, was a CIA agent and smalltime drug dealer. Long story made short: We come after him, they kill some of us, we kill some of them, and our disgraced agent is busted.
Story # 5: Operation Iraqi Freedom
Without a doubt the BIGGEST fuckup since
Story # 6: The Vietnam War
The CIA is actively working to protect you from nuns and bishops and far away countries you didn't know existed with scary names day and night.
The second worst federal agency after fema.
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the entire media... Oh, wait, my bad, I forgot about:
Fox "News"
95% of talk radio stations
the Wall Street Journal
the New York Post
Anything Rupert Murdoch has touched
Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
the 700 Club
Ann Coulter
Bill O'Reily
Right-winger: "Fuck them jewish liberal media faggots. Ain't I right, Jethro?"
749π 19013π
The original rhythm guitarist for guns n' roses. He was the quiet member of the band, and didn't look for much attention. He was a pretty good guitarist, and wrote alot of the band's best songs, and co-wrote many others. He was the first gunner to give up drugs and alchohol, in 1989, though this was in part because of a court order after an arrest for disorderly conduct and indecent exposure on an airplane. He left in the middle of the use your illusion tour because of creative differences with Axl Rose.
Some of the songs that Izzy Stradlin wrote:
Patience
You Could be Mine
Rocket Queen
Mr. Brownstone
Think About You
14 Years
Double-Talkin' Jive.
199π 55π
"My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big gain is waiting there inside her tights, Yeah!"
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The bassist for guns n' roses for all of their albums except chinese democracy. He is now with Slash in Velvet Revolver. He was a good bassist, and is also a realy nice guy. He now has had to give up the rock star lifestyle since he's married with 2 kids, but he still rocks when he's playing music. never actualy was kicked out of guns n roses- he and Slash, the only original members left, kicked Axl Rose and all the replacement members out in '98. Axl then sued them for the rights to the name, won, and Duff and Slash formed Velvet Revolver. Like the other gunners, duff had trouble with drugs and booze. he now has quit drinking, after his pancreas burst and he learned that any more alchohol would kill him. He's not much of a partier any more, but he's still a realy cool guy.
Duff McKagan is the man. 'Nuff said.
85π 13π