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The most feared of all office animals. Usually dresses in purple and has purple hair and purple hide. Its official name is Purplepotamus Dottiensis. Its roar can be heard for miles. It is notorious for being lazy. It has a terrible temper and it is dangerous to approach it. Also known as FAPLAW, or "Fat-Ass-Psychotic-Lazy-Ass-Windbag." Looks like a cross between Mimi from The Drew Carey Show and a rhinoceros.
The Purplepotamus spends most of its free time whining and shopping online.
1. If you run out you can go get some in your Toyota Corolla.
2. Be careful not to get any on your feather boa.
3. You can eat some while while climbing to the top of Krakatoa.
4. Do you remember from the 80's the Ayatollah Assahola?
Granola, Granola
Granola & Beelzebub on Krakatoa,
Granola........
Facially porcine middle manager with greasy skin and absolutely no tact or common sense. Nasty, ill-tempered, whiny, hypocritical, and nonsensical. Lies constantly. Expects employees to violate the laws of physics, time & space, in order to get things done. Basically one of Tolkien's Orcs come to life.
Clyde: This is ridiculous. Joan wants me to move every box on the fifth floor and she want it done in the next twenty minutes! There's over 300 boxes! Why does she do this?
Zeke: Because she's a Pork Orc. Pork Orc! Pork Orc!
Also, "F.A.P.L.A.W."
Abbreviation: "Fat Ass Psychotic Lazy Ass Windbag."
Short-hand title for the Purplepotamus.
Purplepotamus: O my gawd! You can't send this letter out like this! I'll get in trouble!
Zeke: This has nothing to do with you!
Purplepotamus: Yes it does!
Zeke: Then if you don't like it, why don't you, oh, I dunno, do your own work?
Purplepotamus: Becawwwwwwse Joel won't let me leave my desk!
(She storms off.)
Zeke: Motherfucking FAPLAW!!!
The hump on the back of a buffalo.
The buffalump on the back of a full-grown male bison can be as much as 1/5 its height.
Another euphemism for the Pork Orc. In other words, an unwashed belligerent liar one must work for.
Zeke: I had to work through my lunch hour because Betsy thinks I came in an hour late.
Clem: Crater-faced cunt.
Worse than a sick twisted fuck. Worse than a sick twisted disturbed fuck. A sick twisted disturbed *psychotic* fuck is so vile, so putrid, so *unbearable* that no punishment in hell is sufficient to destroy him. Cheap. Crazy. Chases everybody around with inscrutable, mind-numbing questions. Mumbles when he talks and has so little love for his own family he'll ruin everyone else's lives in retaliation. The kind of deranged freak you want to crucify in an empty swimming pool and set on fire. You want to sit his kids on his chest, then pull his scrotum up over his head, forcing his kids to gnaw their way free.
STDPF: Hi, I was in on Sunday & I found these boxes of old envelopes. I know they have our old, old address on them but I figure you can just scratch that out with a pencil and use them, what does it matter, who opens them anyway, just a fucking secretary? If you could do that to every envelope, I think there's 1500 of them, get that done by lunchtime, that'll be great.
(slurps coffee)
STDPF: Now, I found these three boxes of pencils, so if you want to sharpen them all, I know they're kinda old and don't have erasers but I think people might want to use them, they write really well and maybe you can even use them to scratch out our old addresses! Now here...here are 8 boxes of letterhead with my name on each sheet, if you could just cross my name off of them we can use them for official correspondence and that way we can save a few bucks and maybe get you some part-time help a few months from now maybe a high school kid in the afternoon after school but you're doing a great job as it is-----
Clyde: Would you shut *up*, you sick twisted disturbed psychotic FUCK?