Ding

Short for "Dingbat." An incredibly dumb blonde who may or may not be an alien, a cyborg, or the victim of a sadistic experiment in brain-theft. So strong is her ignorance that it actually radiates outwards; this can cause intense pain in the listener. Her conversations are rambling, incomplete, and surreally pointless. Smells like animal urine. Sits in its own vomit.

Clem: Oh no, here comes the Ding!

Ding: Um, I saw this movie last night.

Daisy Mae: What was it called?

Ding: Um, I don't have time to talk about it. Um, bye!

6👍 15👎

buffalump

The hump on the back of a buffalo.

The buffalump on the back of a full-grown male bison can be as much as 1/5 its height.

10👍 3👎

crater-faced cunt

Another euphemism for the Pork Orc. In other words, an unwashed belligerent liar one must work for.

Zeke: I had to work through my lunch hour because Betsy thinks I came in an hour late.

Clem: Crater-faced cunt.

4👍 5👎

sick twisted disturbed psychotic fuck

Worse than a sick twisted fuck. Worse than a sick twisted disturbed fuck. A sick twisted disturbed *psychotic* fuck is so vile, so putrid, so *unbearable* that no punishment in hell is sufficient to destroy him. Cheap. Crazy. Chases everybody around with inscrutable, mind-numbing questions. Mumbles when he talks and has so little love for his own family he'll ruin everyone else's lives in retaliation. The kind of deranged freak you want to crucify in an empty swimming pool and set on fire. You want to sit his kids on his chest, then pull his scrotum up over his head, forcing his kids to gnaw their way free.

STDPF: Hi, I was in on Sunday & I found these boxes of old envelopes. I know they have our old, old address on them but I figure you can just scratch that out with a pencil and use them, what does it matter, who opens them anyway, just a fucking secretary? If you could do that to every envelope, I think there's 1500 of them, get that done by lunchtime, that'll be great.

(slurps coffee)

STDPF: Now, I found these three boxes of pencils, so if you want to sharpen them all, I know they're kinda old and don't have erasers but I think people might want to use them, they write really well and maybe you can even use them to scratch out our old addresses! Now here...here are 8 boxes of letterhead with my name on each sheet, if you could just cross my name off of them we can use them for official correspondence and that way we can save a few bucks and maybe get you some part-time help a few months from now maybe a high school kid in the afternoon after school but you're doing a great job as it is-----

Clyde: Would you shut *up*, you sick twisted disturbed psychotic FUCK?

16👍 10👎

balognaphump

The animal from which hot dogs are made.

Even though millions of people eat one every day, the wiley balognaphump has never been photographed.

Skape

An urban "Skunk-Ape"; City dwelling relative of the Sasquatch. Often mistaken as the "Missing Link". Unkempt in appearence, of poor posture, with grimy, thin hair of varying length, and an odor that is an all-out assault on the olfactory senses. Largely unfamiliar with hygenic practices of all aspects. Often seen loping around an office digging through trash for coupons and other discarded treasures. Treats ordinary everyday roadblocks as dire, emergency situations. Extremely unskilled with the simplest of office tools and machinery.

The Skape is going nuts because the stapler is jammed! Look out! I think it's going to musk!

12👍 1👎

Little Caesar

Pompous busybody who stands up during meetings to publicly embarrass themselves by giving passionate but utterly false and/or idiotic speeches. They're also very bossy and always have opinions about subjects they know nothing about.

Clem: Elaine turned into Little Caesar this morning and started ranting about the change in the dress code policy, so the others all started throwing half-eaten bagels at her.

25👍 35👎