condom

A latex, polyurethane, or natural sheepskin oblong barrier placed over the penis for eliminating most chance of pregnancy for human males who can:

1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.

Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.

Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.

The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.

'Jeanette is pregnant now.'
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
'Yeah, definitely.'

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skinny

A body type common outside of America, Germany, and China, as it is a type of beauty underappreciated by the people of these countries -- particularly America, where slim people of either sex are perceived as ill (presumably to make the fat people feel better) and slim males are perceived as lacking masculinity and suspected to be homosexual.

In countries such Japan, France, and Sweden, however, thin people are more well-accepted and appreciated without carrying a social stigma.

'Oh my God, you are so skinny. You need to put some meat on those bones, hun. Are you anorexic or something?'

'No. Fuck you, lardchugger.'

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Big Tits

The ugliest possible form for a female's breasts to take at any age, yet which the majority of the male population seems to hunger for. This leads to girls with perfect, elegant little breasts to ruin them with enlargement.

The worst fucking trend in Western aesthetics ever.

'Look at me! My big tits are so huge and swollen and so fucking ugly like orange rotten melons that I know you're gonna love them!'
'That's great, honey. I want a divorce, you cow.'

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fiancé

A man engaged to be married. Sometimes mistakenly used to refer to a married man.

'Josh is my fiancé; we are to be wed in two months.'

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urban undefiner

One who utilises UrbanDictionary.com as a message board, writing and responding to other users rather than actually writing any type of definition (silly or otherwise) of a word or term.

'The last definition said something about people never getting this word right. Well, I think that when some--'

'Just stop, Jesse. Do not join the urbandicks by playing that "urban undefiner" game.'

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D-cup

Huge, unattractive breasts that resemble a pair of buttocks on the chest.

'Any girl who utilises breast enlargement procedures to change an A-cup or B-cup into a C-cup or D-cup is clearly deranged and should not be permitted to mate.'

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fruitarianism

A dietary belief and subculture founded on the school of thought that humanity is anatomically frugivorous and would benifit most by eating accordingly for optimum health. The theory is scientifically sound yet the life is a difficult one to maintain in a world where most fruit is hybridised, pumped as much as legally possible with pesticides, and irradiated. Fruitarians who live on healthy land with plenty of rain tend to see the full benefit of their belief in this natural diet of Man.

Fruitarianism is often accompanied by the tenets of raw foodism.

'Fruitarianism, or the Theory of Human Frugivory, like our planet being round, is one of those simple truths which will be met by opposition for dozens, if not hundreds or thousands of years before being even remotely accepted.'

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