crack spastic

An insult used by police officers from one station in central London, to describe a person who is completely obnoxious, irritating, incompetent or just plain stupid to such a degree it's funny, can be a member of the public or a colleague, usually a senior officer. Its use is mainly limited to one police station, but is starting to spread

"did you hear that bloke I nicked, saying he was going to get me sacked 'cos his uncle's a barrister?"

"yeah, what an utter fuckin crack spastic!"

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Kak Pipe Cosmonaut

Anyone, gay or straight, who is obsessed with anal sex and constantly takes their obsession to new heights.

"Why are you walking like that?"

"My new man's a real Kak Pipe Cosmonaut"

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Nevada Spike Shooter

A hopefully mythical sexual act/prank where an unsuspecting tourist is flown from Vegas into the desert aboard a pink helicopter then forced to sit astride a cactus with their bare bottoms. Footage of such incidents may later appear on the internet. Also known as 'Sugdens Delight'

"Hey dude I haven't seen you sit down since Dawson's stag night"

"Yeah, we went to vegas and I got drunk and did the Nevada Spike Shooter, they operate next week"

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Strafing Run

To masturbate furiously onto a girl's face until you ejaculate

"My gitlfriends got the pink eye after I did a strafing run on her face last night"

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Wren

Something sailors in the Royal Navy have sex with, if they're too lazy to wank

I woke up with a Wren this morning, she looked like meatloaf. Ug.

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Getting off at Fratton

British Royal Navy term for the withdrawal method of contraception, Fratton being the last railway station before arriving in Portsmouth, which is the end of the line.

Matelot 1: "Firkin 'ell mate, that's a right swamp donkey you've pulled, do you need a condom"

Matelot 2: "no mate, I'm getting off at Fratton"

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Sun Dodger

A Submariner in any of the world's Navies

"you were in the navy for ten years,you must have seen loads of places"

"Nah, I was a sun dodger"

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