The Oxon Hill Headboard Incident from 1992

This was a terrifying, potentially catastrophic, event that happened in the summer of 1992. This is when two people break into a hotel room to fuck and destroy everything in the room as a drunk accident including pouring whiskey all over the guys dick and sucking him off. Raunchy shit. During the sex the headboard falls off and panic ensues. The girl almost suffocates and suffers a bloody nose. Both parties panic. Then the actual owners of the room key in and the other party flees while the new couple is forced to clean up blood whiskey and semen. It’s awful.

Bro, shit was a disaster last night. We broke into a hotel room last night and turned that place into a crime scene. It reminded me of The Oxon Hill Headboard Incident from 1992. No shit, the owners opened the door as we cleaned up the blood and we had to run out of there naked. It was ugly.

slug and tug

This is when a woman punches you in the face then jerks you off. A surprise move, but you’ll take it.

Hey dan! Rita gave me a slug and tug in the bathroom yesterday! She kicked open the door while I was laying one down. Then before you know it I have a black eye and I’m cleaning up shit and seamen. It was great!

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The Fuck Bomb

This is when you knowingly walk in one two people fucking, then jump into the bed with them naked too and photo bomb the event!

Yo Diego! Remember that time I gave you the Fuck Bomb when you were nailing Emily from behind. Sorry I saw her naked but she was pretty hot. I’m glad I still have the pictures and your dick only touched me through the sheets when we took those photos!

medium adult

This term is obviously used after a 2-5 day bender when you know you are being irresponsible. It’s great with friends bc it’s funny but you know you’re in shit creek with your job.

Hey Jenny, you have to cover for me with the tiny tots on the monkey bars and the little ones on the roller coaster. I blew Steve til 8 am and feel like a medium adult today. Cover for me...please cover for me...

Truffle Pig

Similar to the hogs used to sniff out truffles in Europe, a Truffle Pig is a stank ass bitch golddigging and sniffing, potentially, licking the ass of a rich person.

Yo Benny, I’m filthy rich, it’s great. This stupid bitch Sarah is such a Truffle Pig. She licked my ass and everything, all she wanted was a fancy purse. What a whore!

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The Guantanamo unholy Sneak Attack

This is when a terrorist prisoner Is stewing around in his cell with nothing better to do. He’s feeling bored so he goes and chats with his other loser terrorist buddies obviously plotting something.

Then later he goes into his neighbors cell and begins ass fucking him and as he’s about to cum he pulls out and seemlessly shoves a stick of dynamite in his ass blowing him to smithereens.

The other terrorists golf clap.

“Yo Mustafo. This prison shit sucks. I’m gonna give the new guy the Guantanamo unholy sneak attack after lunch. Get some entertainment going around here.”

“That’s gonna be messy, but it sure beats movie night. I can’t watch Shawshank again.”

The Cuban Missile Crisis

This is a very specific situation when you are in a meeting at work with just one too many cups of coffee. You need to get out of there but don’t know what to do.

Jimbo, my man, they called a meeting just after my second pot of coffee. It was a brutal two hours. I was sweating the whole time and a little even came out on the drawers. You’ve been there. It was the classic case of The Cuban Missile Crisis! Fuck