West coast whiskey dick

This is when you take a fifth of whiskey and pour it all over your dick and have your sex partner blow you. When she’s done she sucks all the excess whiskey off your balls and then the sheets. We thumped against the window all night then she took it like a champ!

Yo Brennan! I gave this bitch the West coast whiskey dick at my boy Mikes birthday party last week. We fucked all night and then she took the move like a champ.

The 36 Inch Push Broom

When you lift a 3 ft midget by the ankles upside down, face fucking her, while walking around Quicken Loans Arena.

Hey Barry, see that midget across the parking lot? I’m gonna chug these beers and then give her The 36 inch push broom before the game starts.

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...when you’re a bitch

This is when you aren’t worthy of fighting. You’re not even worthy of getting your ass kicked. This is when you are a mouthy little maggot who doesn’t know when to shut up and you say the wrong thing to the wrong guy. Then that guy decides to embarrass you and beat your ass with a stapler. He won’t even hit you with it but he’ll put 4 or 5 staples in your ass in front of the viewing public just to embarrass you for the bitch that you are while you cry like a baby. Everyone watching is laughing because this beatdown was a long time coming. You should be ashamed.

Hey Nate! Remember that time when...

Fuck you Ricky! I told you, stop talking or I’ll beat your ass! But you’re not even good enough for that! Because...when you’re a bitch I’m gonna just staple gun your ass. Bitch.

Only the sentence doesn’t really happen. Nate just tags Ricky with a stapler until he cries.

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Pepper the Workzone

This is when you get home from work in the mid afternoon and you find your girlfriend is asleep. But it’s a trick, she is not asleep and actually wants anal but you’re gonna do it her way.

She grabs the icy hot and rims her entire ass then you know the drill so you hit your dick and balls too. While the spice is kicking in the key is to dip your balls in and out of her ass to get things going and now it’s time to start the fire. You slam it in and out of her ass until the windows fog up from the icy turning to hot and your Workzone is on fucking fire. You know if you’ve done your job when she tells you she hasn’t shit right in weeks.

“Hey Jenny, I know I’ve settled down with Jimmy but I’m still a total fucking whore at heart. Every girl needs a little anal. Remember the time you let Matt put it in your ass in a basement after getting smashed on dollar beer night? I’m still jealous so I’m gonna Pepper the Workzone With Jimmy tonight.”

“Last time you did that you shit blood for 3 days!”

The Panama City Shakedown

This is when you pay a prostitute for sex. When she demands money and you don’t have it, there’s a phone call. That’s why the guy walks in. It is not fun from here. He basically just beats your ass until you have money. Gotta figure it out.

Hey Spen! Iwas trying to load up two prostitues and stiff them for the cash. Then some big bald bubble head came in and gave me The Panama City Shakedown. So he’s got a gun in my ass right now and I need 30 bucks...

The French Dipper

This is when, while eating a roast beef sandwich, you dip your balls in the au jus sauce and slowly stick them in and out of the girls mouth while she licks off the sauce.

Hey Pete! I took a girl to Subway in a first date the other night. She followed me to the bathroom because she wanted The French Dipper. Then she finished me by sucking me off on the toilet! Second time this week!

Motherfucked The Boss

This is when you hate your life because you hate your job. Typically this is a result of hating your boss and you often find that you rant and rave about how he should be dead or in jail. So what do you do? You secretly invite his mother to the office on Mother’s Day and sneak into his office and have the dirtiest sex imaginable. Fingers in the ass...everything. But then the job isn’t done. Once you send her on her way you shit in his pencil drawer at his desk. Big steamer.

Time to wrap up. Quietly tiptoe out of there and punch that time clock. You’ve accomplished all you’re getting done today.

“Hi, Deanna?” It’s Jim from the front desk. Listen your son can’t talk right now, he’s in a meeting. But Happy Mothers Day! Why don’t you come to the office.”

...then you proceed to step on her face while you bend her over the desk...

“That was amazing, why don’t you go clean up. I’ll be right there.”

Steer clear of the office for a little while boys. I just did us all a solid and Motherfucked The Boss . You mind punching me out? I need a cigarette.