Egg salad

As in tossing a salad, egg salad is when you rim out and eat a girls vagina while she's ovulating.

"I'd toss her egg salad"

"the only egg I eat are people eggs in an egg salad"

59👍 59👎

Inner Asshole

When you take a shit and some magic inner asshole pinches it off before your normal ass hole does. You then wipe and wipe; and you can tell your ass is totally clean! Then, 15 minutes later ... bam you have itchy ass because your inner asshole let a bit more shit out.

Jack: "Jim, why are you fidgeting and keep squirming in your seat"

Jim "dewd, my inner asshole got one over on me again, i just can't get my ass clean"

"YES! I finally got one over on my inner asshole and got my ass wiped clean.

22👍 2👎

Dickmatized

When you hit it so hard, so good, so consistently that you earn your partner's love forever. Like the old "Raw" standup, once you get them to do the special moan... they are in love. But more than that, they are hypnotized, but by your majestic dick....

Dickmatized

She loves me now. She's Dickmatized.

Dude, you got a stripper to say i love you? Yeah chris, she's dickmatized.

Whore begone

After fucking some nasty whore, or a dirty skank, or any other time you looked down at your dick and say "what the fuck did you just do?" You, then in a panic, immediately go into the nearest bathroom and grab what appears to be the best solution and give your dick a bath in Listerine. Make sure to get it into your dick hole too.

Listerine on your dick= whore begone.

Jim: "man did you fuck that fat whore last night?"
Jack "omg ya! Then I immediately threw up, washed my cock with whore begone and got the fuck out of there"

jim "shit that whore begone burns my dickhole"
jack "better the whore begone burn than the sweet sting of syphillis"

27👍 2👎

Pornipedia

A pornipedia is a walking talking depraved individual with a derelict moral compass that spins like there is no magnetic pole.

The pornipedia is a walking talking porn encyclopedia who can recite any and every odd porn trivia from memory and has a photographic memory of porn stars, scenes and pop shots.

The pornipedia is really a rare being and requires a constant feeding of porn. It appears that there is an increase in the occurrence of live pornipedias since the adoption of internet porn world wide.

Pornipedia's spend an inordinate amount of time on 4chan's adult channels.

Hey pornipedia, who is that pasty skinned <interrupts> "Stoya"

Hey pornipedia, who's the guy that shoots ropes and looks like <interrupts> "Peter north"

Hey pornipedia, who's the girl with the lips like <interrupts> "jesse jane"

31👍 3👎

Goosenecking

This is what happens when you love an item sooo much you just want to fuck it. You hold it in your hand while your jacking off so that your essentially fucking your hand and the item at the same time.

I'm sorry I couldn't come to the phone I was goosenecking my playstation

I walked in and that son of a bitch was goosenecking my iPhone

33👍 13👎

beauticide

All girls inevitably commit the self-destructive act of beauti-cide. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, and ignore the input of the opposite sex, women will eventually take matters into their own hands and perform a visual downgrading to their own looks.

Egged on by other already shitty looking friends, the hot girl will sooner or later, cut off her hair, add bangs, or start doing her makeup like shit. It’s inevitable and when it occurs, the woman makes a land speed record from hot –to- Not.

The most common occurrences come when a woman somehow convinces her self that short mousy hair is hotter than her long hair. Men all over the earth know this to be a myth, but men are powerless to stop the beauti-cide pheonomenon. What women don’t often understand, is that cutting your hair short, or cutting bangs makes their ass get fatter instantly.

The girls attractiveness and ability to attract males instantly drops by 20%.

Somehow, other women still encourage their peers into this masochistic act and the women blindly follow like lemmings off the cliff from sexy, to mom’sville. It appears all someone needs to say is “your fabulous” like some bizarre entry into a sex-and-the city set; and women will willfully destroy their beauty. Like a rebellious angry teenager they just piss on their sexiness for no apparent benefit other than to be true to their nature: bitches.

Guy1: "Hey, did Crystal’s ass balloon overnight?”

Guy2:“no dude, she committed beauticide and cut her hair short"
Guy1:“really its amazing how much fatter she is now”
--
Guy1: "Jim, what happened to your girlfriend? "
Jim:“her friends convinced her to commit beauticide; I can’t date women with bangs, bangs look like shit and everyone knows their bitches”
--
Guy1: Dude, I never knew she had cankles.

Guy2: I know they appeared to grow over night after she committed beauticide.

47👍 8👎