Such A Good Boy

When Lead Bagger tells you you're a good boy, but you impress him so much that you become SUCH a good boy. Big difference btw.

Me: *does nothing*
Lead Bagger: *shakes head in amazement* "Oh SUCH a good boy!"
Me: "Thank you so much bud!"

8👍 2👎

Here For You

What you say when you're going in your homies. Correction: Going in FOR your homies. Just make sure you logout first.

Also, be careful who you say it to. Can have an unintentionally sweet tone to it, depends on the mood (see below).

Me: "I'm here for you homie."
Homie: "Awwwww, thank you! Just for me?"
Me: "No, I mean I'm here to take you."
Homie: "Oh stop it! 🤭 Just tell me you love me already!"
Me: *visible confusion* "Wut..."
Homie: "Did you buy me a ring yet?! 😘"
Me: *regrets life*

2👍 1👎

June 22 2021

The day we became stepbrothers :(.

Brother: "My last day is June 22 2021 brother."
Me: "That's the day we became stepbrothers :(."

40👍 1👎

Shrine God

A brother that you make a shrine for in your room. Your choice between the bedroom or bathroom, whatever tickles your funny bone.

IMPORTANT: Always make sure Shrine God is above your eye level. You must always look UP to Shrine God.

Me: *wakes up*
Shrine God: *stares*
Me: "..."
Shrine God: *continues to stare*
Me: "tHaNk YoU sO mUcH!1!1!1!"
Shrine God: *widens eyes and stares harder*
Me: "......"
Me: *notices button on Shrine God*
Me: "I wonder what this does..." *pushes button*
Shrine God: "CHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Saddle For Carrying

When you have to carry the lads everyday. Used to reduce back pain. Just equip it and carry to your heart's desire.

Make sure you know what you're dealing with, some lads require significantly more carrying. 2 year protection plan is highly recommended to repair damages. Comes with a free massage appointment and health insurance.

Pal: "Yo dawg did you do the lab? It's due tonight and I haven't even started 😩."
Dawg: *buys 'Saddle For Carrying (4 month durability)' from Amazon* "Just hop on already."
Pal: "I promise you no more carrying after this!"
Dawg: "Yeah yeah...lying ahh bih."

***10 seconds later***
Dawg: *breaks back from carrying too hard*
Dawg: "I'm calling my lawyers 😡. This is perjury 😡."
Pal: "You can't afford any."
Dawg: "Y u do dis :(."

No No Pocket

The middle pocket of your apron where you keep your pens. Can also put your rubber ducks there if you don't want any French girls stealing them.

Also known as the "Holy Pocket" by some. Anything you put in it is 100% safe from others. The perfect repellant.

Me: *reaches in middle pocket*
French Girl: "Why are your hands in your no no pocket? Ewwwwwwwwwww. Groooooooossssss!"
Me: "I have two words: Cash. Office." *winks*
French Girl: *visible disgust*

335👍 5👎

Mr. Keys

The iconic keys are what you hear when the guy with the freshest trim walks around. You hear the keys, you know it's him. Everyone's gangster until "Mr. Keys" comes around.

Me: *has normal conversation with others*
Keys: *makes sound*
Everyone: *stops everything and looks for Mr. Keys*
Mr. Keys: *walks past*
Everyone: *mesmerized* "We are not worthy." *bows down*