mad dog

Someone who, during the course of a conversation or debate, becomes increasingly agitated and ends up ranting and raving.

The best way of tipping such a person over the edge is to start chanting "mad dog, mad dog, mad dog", in unison, quietly at first but growing in volume while tapping your nails on the table top. This will guarantee an hilarious end to the conversation.

Derek, a notorious mad dog screamed: "LOOK, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!....".

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bruno's arm

A stool rendered unflushable by its sheer enormity. Named after fomer British heavyweight boxer, Frank Bruno.

Angela quickly moved on to the next lavatory having been horrified by the sight of bruno's arm in the first.

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Grasmere Thunderbolt

A particularly offensive fart; one that tends to clear a room for anything up to half an hour.

The business meeting was suspended for several minutes after Timothy involuntarily dropped a Grasmere Thunderbolt.

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Toilet hugging

Almost complete incapacitation due to excessive alcohol consumption. A toilet-hugger is likely to wake up in the morning on the lavatory floor with a raging hangover.

Digby was left toilet-hugging drunk having had one pint of Strongbow too many at the golf club on Saturday night.

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glaswegian kiss

A head butt. Where one person violently smashes his or her forehead into the face of another normally resulting the latter's discomfort and/or severe facial injury.

Peeved by Rupert's impertinence, Neville gave him a glaswegian kiss and put him hospital.

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Sutherland rules

There often comes a time in any competitive sport, game or pastime where the rules are mysteriously changed to favour one participant. This participant will convince all his or her opponents that these are the commonly accepted and legitimate rules regardless of available published regulations which are to hand and which they seem to contradict.

The person asserting these revised rules will be strongly advantaged and will almost invariably win as a result of these rules. These are Sutherland Rules.

Jim won the crazy golf competition, but only by adopting the Sutherland rules.

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greasy spoon

A cheap snack bar or cafeteria serving inexpensive cholesterol-heavy food to the working classes.

A full English fry up, sickly ketchup, astringent malt vinegar and a mug of boiling hot tea all sitting on a cracked formica table. Bloody marvellous!

The Rendezvous on the A22 at Wapses Lodge, between Whyteleafe and Caterham.

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