townie

Townies are scum! No, seriously for one moment. A typical townie will be in their teens, ranging from Mini Townies in their child sized tracksuits, to adults who should god damn know better.
They tend to wear the brand name Ecko, which isn't spelt correctly because townies don't own a dictionary. This tracksuit comes in a range of colors including white, blue and grey. Or, if you don't want to splash out a quick trip to the market will help some poor stall owner offload a load of pink velour trousers he has had stored in the back of his van for two years. These must be emblazened with the word "Biatch" across the arse in sequins, which due to the shitty quality will all drop off within ten minutes.
the females of the species must have a Belly button barmade out of the finest plastic and purchased from Claires accessories, which will no doubt cause their stomach to turn septic. They must have their hair GLUED to their head, because god forbid a bit of hair might fall loose, ruining their greasy stuck down look. Of course though, they have to tie their hair back to hide the three inch dark roots that are protruding from their peroxide blonde hair.
The guys will have their hair cleverly spiked using so much gel that it's a great wonder they aren't bald, and will don a nice, big, diamonte earring, purchased for £3 from argos.
The male and female tend to stick together as love interests to avoid having a baby in the future that may turn out anywhere near individual. Unfortunatly for us, the furutr is very near, because it's the latest accessory to have a baby. The baby will no doubt have some monstrosity of a name such as Corgette, or to the like, because the parents want their child to have a name thats "different". They never considered however, that this child will be haunted by that choice all their life. Not to mention the fact the baby is going to have seven bells of shit kicked from them because all their clothes come from Oxfam as their teenage parents are frittering away their money on ciggarettes.
The final way though, to spot a townie, is the attitude. THE THINK THEY RULE. They look down on anyone with even an ounce of intelligence, and they think they can talk to anyone like shit. Well sorry Mr. Townie, that won't wash with me.

Townie: Whatcha Lukin at ya minga
Normal Human: Sorry?
T: SHUT UP B4 I GET MA CREW ONTA YA
N: I beg your pardon
T: FUCK YO MAMA

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