Random
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Random
An arse splittingly wide shit, usually the result of stuffing yourself the day before with kebab, steak, fine cheeses, etc... and dehydration caused by excess alcohol.
Rupert howled, when the morning after the pickles and cheese party he had to pass a rolled up phone book
A massive dump. A shit of biblical proportions
Rupert had to ask his wife Mary to inspect his anal sphincter for damage after heaving out a Brown Goliath that morning
The act of masturbating whilst in the bath, ideally with the waterline sitting right at the base of your cock.
Whist Mary was away at bingo Rupert took the opportunity to bathe and polish the lighthouse
A sopping wet vagina, as wet as an otters pocket due to arousal. Not to be confused with venereal discharge.
After seeing Mary's dribbling clam, Rupert realised no extra lubrication was required.
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Extremely strong dense nuggets of cannabis. So called because when you put a tiny nugget in a grinder and grind then open it you are shocked by the amount of ground cannabis in there and shout out "Magic!", the catchphrase of the late and annoying twat of a magician Paul Daniels
Rupert realized he had bought paul daniels weed when after a single blunt he could barely move and feasted on Rice Crispies
A drink and/or drugs session so severe it the following afternoon you are shivering looking up local rehabs on google
Rupert realized things were getting quite out of hand after another googling rehabs session...
When the anal sphincter is puckered and slightly open due to a state of extreme fear, resembling a trumpeter's lips
It was a bleak winter's day on the somme, rifle in hand and with the trumpeter's lips Rupert knew he would be going over the top today and meet his demise on foreign soil