prostitution

The practice of exchanging sex for money, goods or favours - by people who have the integrity to admit what they are doing.

Contrary to popular stupidity very few whores are coerced and most are self-employed, or work through agencies.

Yes it's squalid, and I will stop doing it the moment someone explains to me how it's morally worse than the 'approved' method of going to clubs and lying your way into some drunken slut's minge.

I can see why prostitution may have been harmful to society when there was still a society to harm.

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slag badge

At some point about three years ago, it became fashionable for women to deface themselves with tattoos, usually above the waist or on the ankle or upper arm. I first became aware of this trend when some scratter shoved by me sporting a butterfly on the grotesque roll of mechanically tanned lard that hung around her belt. Had I known what was to come, I would have killed her then and there to stop the plague-like spread.

Originally confined to the lower orders, this has now 'trickled up' to the extent everyone from ballerinas to dinnerladies feels called on to complete herself by having some indecipherable Chinese bollocks or some flowers carved above her chuff.

At its most harmless, this is something discreet like a Celtic cross; at its worst, the 'tat' extends all across the lower back, leaving the gentleman with the impression he is fucking the Berlin Wall.

I suppose this was meant to look hawt and slightly dangerous, but all it does is mark the bearer down as a monumentally uninspired skank who'd probably wear a lip-plate if Nicole Richie got one.

See also: tramp stamp (US), sign of ten thousand penises, whoremark, etc.

I thought she was a bit of alright until she bent down to open that drawer, exposing the eagle-wing slag badge on her lower spine.

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woggerel

Tub-thumping ethnic poetry of no particular merit. It is estimated that if some means were found of converting woggerel into energy, Maya Angelou alone could power the whole of Kettering.

'Benjamin Zephaniah's latest compilation of self-justifying arsewad is pure woggerel.'

'Thank you Germaine. Tom Paulin?'

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fuckard

Archaic. A means of denoting one who is not too bright.

'Faith, Mowbray, th'art in sooth a knave and a fuckard.

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citation needed

Wikipedianese for 'bullshit'.

Jade Goody's death triggered an outpouring of grief across the United Kingdom citation needed

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mingepiece

A lady's fuppie, snatch, or quim.

I can see your mingepiece through them drawers, snookums.

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Celine Dion

A quasi-sex act that combines the worst aspects of the Cleveland steamer, Darjeeling standpipe, Hawaiian muscle fuck, Trimdon Piledriver and Pasadena mudslide, with or without the use of goosefat, performed in groups of six to eight to the sound of contemporary rock.

Shields is going to the fucking dogs. Only last week behind Majestic Bingo I happened on a group of youths engaged in some sort of half-arsed Celine Dion.

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