bookie's biro

British. The state of the old man after multiple bouts of spirited fellatio - that is, chewed to fuck. Can lead to gangrene.

I came back from my weekend at Julie's with a cock like a bookie's biro.

19👍 2👎

Kevin Smith

A rotund, insufferably smug oxygen thief inexplicably granted an endless supply of cash to write / produce / direct / 'act' in an agonising series of self-gratifying filmic shit.

'Clerks' was passable at the time of its making, but he wanked it dry, and the whole setup is no longer either believable or funny.

It doesn't help that he can't write - his supposedly quirky 'observational' stuff is painfully contrived - and that none of the otherwise unknown cronies that populate his lead roles film after film can act.

Still, while he, Michael Bay et al continue to find work there's hope for the least of us.

I never thought my screenplay 'Lindsay Dawn And Deng Xiaoping In The Quest For The Cunt Of Mohammed' would sell until I saw Kevin Smith's 'Clerks 2'.

566👍 426👎

TUBE

Medical shorthand. Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.

Female, 19, mild foot pain. 5ml sodium pentathol. TUBE.

118👍 67👎

custard cousin

A man to whom one is related by virtue of having had a slice of the same pie. Bird's Second Law of Custardation states that six degrees of custard kinship would unite virtually the whole mammalian population of Earth. Most of them by way of a certain bitch-whore I used to work with.

Justin Timberlake, Kevin Federline, that Brummagem Paki, the Dave Clark Five, the fourth 'Lassie' and half the population of Detroit are custard cousins.

86👍 24👎

hannukaust

A hilarious and disgraceful conflation of the Jewish holiday Hannukah with 'holocaust' for vaguely comic effect. Careless use can result in a six-year prison sentence.

First coined by bittersweet folk rockers Vaginal Jesus on the album 'Affirmative Apartheid'.

Happy Hannukaust, Shlomo - next year in Jerusalem, eh, ye hook-nosed twat?

*sirens*

35👍 12👎

jizzoon

A sexually indiscriminate woman; a slapper. A conflation of the word jizz with '-oon', to evoke a spitoon, as it were, for glob. Like the cuspador, a place you can release problem fluids where spitting them at the wall isn't a graceful option.

I found half a dozen foil wrappers and a pack of gonorrhea pills in Trish's handbag again. That bitch is a Forrestal-class jizzoon.

24👍 2👎

telemanchecoprobleptophobia

The fear of getting shit on your sleeves while wiping wearing long-sleeved clothing.

She asked why I hoard all my old clothing receipts; I told her I suffered from telemanchecoprobleptophobia.

45👍 8👎