Necrobation

An act of masturbation involving non-living organic material; specifically, one performed by night in a clearing at solstice while repeatedly grimvoking the name of the Necrowizard. Suitable receptacles for necrobation include the still-lukewarm carcasses of homopriests.

Coining credit goes to Seth Putnam of Impaled Northern Moonforest.

The kvlt necrolyte of Shub-Niggurath done a necrobation into the frozen orifice of the homocleric... bloodlustfully.

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Natalie Portman

Appallingly bad wedge-faced actress, career sustained by membership of the Tribe and fanatical crypto-paedophilic fanbase.

Having said that, I had all sorts of filthy ideas watching 'Leon'.

'V for Vendetta' is one of the worst films ever made, in large part thanks to her lack of talent, though to be fair the script, direction and premise fucked it from the off.

Haven't seen 'Closer', don't plan to.

I'd give Natalie Portman one between the jewbs, nan, but I'd be doing her a fucking favour.

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Dodd job

The agonisingly painful experience that is fellatio from a person with big teeth - be it Janet Street Porter, Lara Lewington, Esther Rantzen or indeed the eponymous Ken Dodd.

'Fancy another Dodd job, Normski?'

'No thank you Janet. By the way, have you seen the iodine?'

(credit: Profanisaurus)

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slotbadger

A paedophile, a nonce, a kiddy-fiddler. Lifted from Chris Morris' Brass Eye special.

Between you an' me and these four walls, Greville Janner is an unreclaimed slotbadger.

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Belgian biscuit

British. To quote the Profanisaurus, 'a vile and non-specific sex act performed by the staff of a rub-a-tug shop'.

Whatever it is it's rarely heard outside of Viz and, depending on exactly what you take it to mean, rarely seen either, thank Christ.

I offered him a Cleveland steamer and the filthy cunt's only asked if I do Belgian biscuit.

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ecosser

A tosser from Scotland; one prone to driving a car with an 'Ecosse' bumper sticker figleafing his ingrained hatred for the English.

Your Ecosser is the best-balanced person in the world; he has a chip on both shoulders.

25👍 10👎

gleet

British. Ball glaze, pre-cum. The few clear drops of fluid that struggle past the Jap's eye during sexual stimulus, prefiguring the blowing of the gentleman's stack. Nature's none-too-efficient lubricant.

Despite a generous yield of gleet I ended up with terrible friction burns. That's the last time I fuck a book of carpet samples.

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