Jon

A Jon is no ordinary man (and we all know men are but flat-chested women who do not menstruate - although scholars still hotly debate if Jons do).

A guy is only a Jon if he satisfies ALL three of the following criteria.

1. Believes he be better than everyone else.

Eg: (Guy wearing a "I be so much better than you" t-shirt walks by)

Wizened old observer: "Kids these days are such Jons!"
2. Possesses a peculiar penchant for shattering glassware.

Eg: (A drinking establishment - that sells alcohols) *sound of shattering glass*

Weary bartender (who serves alcohols): *sigh* "Guess we have another Jon here today".
3. Has a thing for seagulls (optionally runs a seagull worship cult)

Person1: (Stares adoringly at a seagull that flies by overhead)

"Is there anything more musical than a seagull's cry?"

Person2: (looks worried)

"... I know your name is Jon, but I didn't think you'd be such a 'JON' Jon, y'know?"

Person1: My boss is such a Jon!
Person2: Oh no! I had one of those. Do NOT take any glassware there and best try to put up with his delusions of grandeur. I just hope you don't get pulled into any seagull cults.

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Men

Plato might have us believe that men are but featherless bipeds without wings. However, in truth, Men are nothing but flat-chested women who do not menstruate.

(An alien space-craft observing earth)

Alien 1: I see a building and many earthlings who all appear to be of flat chests.
Alien2: Presumably, they also do not menstruate.
Alien1: It is settled - they must all be 'Men'.

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