Schadenfreude

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in

Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

Straight-A students getting Bs

Exes getting STDs

Waking doormen from their naps

Watching tourists reading maps

Football players getting tackled

CEOs getting shackled

Watching actors never reach the ending of their oscar speech!

"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

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