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Random
Rain.
This is a term you use to confuse and disgust small children so that they keep their hoods or umbrellas up. Cemented by someone, usually their father, saying "It's pissing down!"
"Keep your umbrella over your head! I've only just done your hair! You don't want it getting all rained on, babe, d'ya know why? Cos rain is Sky Wee. That's right. Wee. From the sky. So keep your umbrella where it's meant to be."
Either the most infuriating or the most outstanding oral sex technique. A slow job is a blow job at quarter speed. If you've got a guy with his hands restrained, a slow job might just be the most fantastic genital to mouth contact he's ever had. We'll call this Scenario A. Taunting, teasing, with plenty of eye contact. That guy will be completely under the spell of the sexual partner for the entire session. Not so if the male has just simply been promised a blow job. Then a slow job is tedious, and will make the blowee hate the blower a little bit and either wish they'd hurry the fuck up or pack it in altogether. Scenario B sure sucks, but not in a good way.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
"I had the best slow job last night. I was handcuffed to the banister and she just spent a good half an hour at least on sucking my cock. It was legendary"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
62π 10π
The tense game played by couples who have been together long enough to feel true rage. You'd think that "fuck" would always be the chosen option, but sometimes bringing someone else to tears is more sastisfying than orgasm.
Stress is building, and you're pretty sure it's all down to your significant other. They are looking at you as if they want to see you disembowelled. From this point in, it's simple. You're either going to tear strips off each other and compete over who can shout the loudest, and who can dig up the most dirt to sling at the other- ie "Ruck", or you're going to lunge for each other and tear off each others clothes and shag like the world is about to end- ie "Fuck"
Ruck or Fuck, amigo. You decide.
"He'd come home drunk, because he said I was doing his head in, and then he started yelling at me for giving him "evils" and speaking to me like I was a kid....it was ruck or fuck, mate"
"And? Which one was it?"
"Ruck!! There's no way I'm letting him speak to me like that!"
"Bad choice. I'd have chosen fuck.....always choose fuck!"
25π 8π
A person who tells you things which are a total waste of your time, or whines and complains at you. Forcing you to hear things you don't want to hear means they are virtually raping your ears with their words.
Tyrone will never be invited to another dinner party after he complained about every dish served at Sheila's. Then he told everyone about the time he met Sting. Now warnings have been issued about him being an ear rapist.
22π 6π
Occasional Cunt Disorder. Most commonly affecting men, and most likely to strike when they've been drinking and their good for nothing sports team have lost. Symptoms include sneering at lifelong friends, ignoring the person who is speaking to you, laughing humourlessly at someone who is just trying to be nice and picking one person to humiliate. The cure is usually to sulk moodily in a corner for a while, but the drastic measure of a slap to the face is sometimes administered.
"Sorry about last night Baz. Didn't mean to tell your mum that story about you being caught wanking by a busload of nuns. A bit of OCD I think."
"Leave him alone to sulk, miserable bastard. It's a good job it's only OCD, or I'd kick his head in"
388π 391π
1) Horny teenage couples in their droves flock to McDonald's for cheap, disgusting "food" every weekend. Sometimes, dipping the fries in those nasty little ketchup tubs gets too sexually suggestive for them, and they head off to the toilets to bang each other. They think it's risque, but almost everyone in McDonald's has no soul and no shame; their faces are deeply buried in greasy, supersized crap, so they barely notice the kids sneaking off for a McFuck.
2) McDonald's employees that are shagging at work are "McFucking". Presumably, the experience of being "Mcfucked" would lead to some serious "McShame", but as afore mentioned, those that spend large amounts of time in McDonald's have no souls, or personalities for that matter.
"Shall we go to McDonald's and get a McChicken Sandwich? We could sneak off for a quick McFuck too, if you wanna?"
"Norman and Shirley were McFucking at the end of last night's shift. I only noticed because I'm new here and still could go to heaven"
83π 22π
To be in "cock mode" is when men decide to give their brains a rest and let their penises take over. Cock mode is not a sensible way to operate on a night out. It will lead the unfortunate male into a diseased or unattractive female.
A guy ceases to run in cock mode within 3 minutes of ejaculating- usually when cognitive thought returns and the hideous beast they have just lain with comes into full focus.
Cock mode can be a good thing if you're in a long term relationship with a girl who does your head in. Switch off your brain and let your penis listen to the inane chatter instead, and then secure a nice orgasm for you. Sorted.
"Why on earth did you leave with that freak last night? She was seriously awful looking"
"I was in cock mode, I didn't really know what I was doing"
"Ah, totally understandable. I switch to cock mode when my wife starts talking. I'm virtually unreachable"
13π 1π