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An Emotional Landmine is someone with unpredictable, turbulent emotions, and/or unexpected and extreme reactions to seemingly benign conversation. Emotional Landmines tend to hide their boundaries until you cross them, and seek revenge for the unintentional slight. Some Emotional Landmines may ghost close friends for setting them off, without even telling them that they've done anything wrong.
Some people on the autism spectrum see allistic (allistic means "not autistic") people as Emotional Landmines, and vice-versa. It's important to remember that the neurotype barrier is not a flaw with the other neurotype, but a "it's six/no it's nine" situation, neurologically. Some things that upset allistic people are totally fine and normal to autistic people, and some things that upset autistic people are totally fine and normal to allistic people.
Neither are wrong; it's important to recognize these differences, and acknowledge that other people may not know how you feel. This is not a lack of empathy, but rather, a lack of understanding. If they knew how you felt and why, they'd likely be supportive. Please be patient with people, especially strangers.
Please don't be an Emotional Landmine. Anyone can be one, especially under immense stress, so please be mindful of other peoples' perspectives.
Use in sentence:
"Hey, what happened with Andy the other day? He stormed off like he was pissed."
"I have no idea, man. I asked him how pizza night went, and all of a sudden he blew up in my face like I offended his ancestors."
"Sounds like he's an emotional landmine. Maybe be more careful around him."
Example 1:
"Hey Greg, how's the wife?"
"She died last week, you jackass."
"Woah! I had no idea, I'm so sorry!"
"It's too late for sorry! You should know better!" <-- Emotional Landmine
Example 2:
"Hey dude, how's it going?"
"Not great, my dog is missing and I'm super worried. Last time this happened with my other dog, we had to cremate. How about you?"
"Awful, now that you just trauma dumped on me. Why did you start the conversation like that?"
"Because you asked how I was doing???"
"You're supposed to just say 'yeah I'm fine' like everyone else. Dude, screw off." <-- Emotional Landmine
Emotional Minesweeper is a situation in which you are unable to predict how a person will react to your actions or statements. In this situation, you may "step on an emotional landmine" and be blindsided by the person you're interacting with "blowing up" at you. It's so unexpected that they misinterpret your confusion for a lack of empathy, adding fuel to the fire.
To avoid putting someone in Emotional Minesweeper, evaluate whether or not they could have predicted that their words or actions would have hurt you. It's generally safer to ask if they have relevant context, and explain how you feel to them in a way they can understand. Generally, if people know how you feel and why you feel that way, they will do their best to be supportive and respectful. More often than not, people don't know they're doing anything wrong.
A popular synonym is "walking on eggshells."
"Hey are you doing ok?"
"I could be better. I've been playing Emotional Minesweeper with my mom all weekend, and it's taking a toll on me."
"That's not good. Does she even tell you what you did wrong?"
"She never tells me until after I make the mistake, and she always rages hard about it."
"Dude, you should probably talk to the school counselor. This sounds like abuse, and they may be able to give you resources to help you navigate the situation."
"You sound way too smart for a high-schooler."
"This isn't real, John. We're an example in an Urban Dictionary definition."