sarcaffism

The art of cleverly insulting anyone who tries to speak at you, prior to your sufficient consumption of enough caffeine to actually tolerate people in the morning.

My spouse was met with sarcaffism, and cowered in the corner, when they asked me to cook breakfast before my coffee had finished brewing.

coffein

Coffein...highly caffeinated coffee one drinks in highly large quantities and which makes one energetic enough to multitask in various unrelated ways.

If I drink enough coffein, I can mow my lawn, do my homework, juggle these random objects, wash the dog and make more coffein, within the next hour.

Elfis

The name of a somewhat grouchy elf from the North Pole and well-known Elvis impersonator, who was a regular guest around Christmas time on the Mark and Brian Morning Radio Show in Los Angeles. During the rest of the year he was the top act at the Whiskey-a-Go-Go at the North Pole and had a distaste for Yetis, because they were rude and regularly ate his audience.

Mark and Brian would introduce Elfis by saying, “Ladies and grntlemen, all the way from the North Pole, its....Elfis!!!!” (The song CC Rider would generally play and Elfis would come out singing it in an Elf voice.)

sarcaffastic

Mocking people who attempt to talk at you by using contempt and irony. Generally a result of having too much blood in your coffein system in the morning.

People who attempt to speak at me too early in the morning, are usually met with a severely sarcaffastic attitude until I have consumed a sufficient amount of coffein. Do not do this.

mandatoptional

When someone tells you a task is optional, but you know you actually are going to have to do it.

I have to work this weekend. My boss told me it’s optional, but I really know it’s mandatoptional. If I don’t go in, I will get fired.