knuckleball wanker

Someone who reckons they're the next reckoning of Cristiano Ronaldo because they once hit a football that moved a bit in the air

'Salim has started wearing Nike Hypervenoms because he reckons he's good enough to play professional football.'
'What a knuckleball wanker!'

donuts

When one of the lads goes on a big trip, expecting plenty of sex, but fails to get his dick wet even once

'Dude, my trip to Canada wasn't that great'
'Why is that?'
'I was expecting plenty of action, but I copped donuts'