Coital Commentator

(1) a sexual braggart, usually male, who feels compelled to offer commentary on their sexual performance

(a) the commentary can be pre-, during, and post-coitus

(2) it often goes hand in hand with bedroom Fiction on the Fly

"The guy was cute but he was another of those coital commentators. I had to hit the mental snooze button a few times."

"It wasn't enough that he was a lousy lovemaker; this coital commentator had to describe it like he were the horse and I was Catherine the Great."

"It felt like Monday Night Football. Sex may be a game of inches but the coital commentary was bugging me."

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Fiction on the Fly

(1) the less-than-honest but tried-and-true method used by married spouses for dealing with an indiscretion; a more sophisticated version of "thinking out loud"

(2) the time-honored technique used by politicians, lawyers and publicists to add sunshine to a murky situation or deflect attention

(3) a rhetorical device employed by men to cover a wide range of pre- and post-romantic interludes

(4) the immediate and often creative explanation to something you have no clue about

Etymology - derived from the David Mamet comedy, State and Main (2000); William H. Macy character Walt Price: It's not a lie. It's a gift for fiction.”

Mark Antony - “Those are some crazy pheromones on your perfumed sails. Mrs. Philopator, you're trying to seduce me.”

Cleopatra (in her best fiction on the fly) – “Don’t be silly sweetie. It’s just an old Ptolemaic dynasty tradition. Your imagination is more fertile than the Nile River. ”

“Damn you and your Fiction on the Fly. You WERE checking that girl out. It had nothing to do with your claims about Tim Gunn and loving fashion."

“I’m sorry baby. It just slipped. Maybe we can use a safe word next time.” (most overheard--and overused--fiction on the fly)

“Yes. I googled my tweet and discovered that my linkedin got facebooked. How many pieces of social networking flair are you wearing today? “

"That Governor Sanford needs to work on both his TMI and Fiction on the Fly. Damn."

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classic conversation

(1) a conversation held in an old-fashioned manner, usually face-to-face or on the phone; often used to denigrate old-fashioned bosses or old school parents

(2) a face-to-face conversation, as opposed to conversations via text, email, twitter or phone

(3) a conversation that instantly becomes memorable

If I had known we were going to break up via twitter, I would've asked for a classic conversation.

After all of the sexting, the classic conversation was a little weird.

My boss is old school. Doesn't do email and always wants a classic conversation.