Chicken in your hand

The act of masturbating.

(Manager calls employee early in the morning) "You want to come in to work on this project today?" (Voice on the other end of the line sounds low and sexy) "You sound like you have your chicken in your hand!"
Me (across room): "Ah, ha, ha, ha ha!!"

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Morning coffee

Morning coffee=rubbing one out before work/school/going out in the morning. Like a caffeine fix, one may be irritable and groggy without it.

Person 1: "Why is Jose such a grouch today?"
Person 2: "He hasn't had his morning coffee yet."

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