Shonce

The joining together of the words shit + nonce.

A shonce is someone who has a sexual interest in children but lacks the ability to carry it out covertly, ultimately leading them to being caught.

Unlike Jimmy Saville, Cavan was caught the first time he had access to a child therefore was branded a shonce.

Fecal Treacle

When the fecal matter you're defacating has the consistency of treacle

I really need to eat more fiber, it's impossible to push out all the fecal treacle