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snodgepocker (snodj pock er) NOUN. An annoying but endearing creature. Or is it endearing but annoying? Either way, you want to smack them, but can't because they are too Goddamned cute.
Like the cutest, fluffiest little kitten who keeps climbing up your legs and back with his needle-sharp claws to sit on your shoulder and purr.
Her- "How did he get stuck inside the piano?"
Him- "How? He's a hedgehog, that's what they do, look for dark places to curl up and sleep. And take a crap."
Her- "HE CRAPPED INSIDE MY PIANO!?"
(He pulls him out of the piano).
Him- "Sorry about that. Yeah, in't he a cute little snodgepocker?"
Her- "Ohhh... look at that little nosie!"
Him- "So... should we keep him, or call the Humane Society?"
Her- "He's making little piggy noises! We can't just give him away!"
Him- "So, what do you want to name him?"
Her- "Fluffy. Either Fluffy, or Shithead."
Him- "Welcome to the family, Shithead."
Her- "Can I hold him?"
Him- "Get your own damn hedgehog."
(she stands, staring.)
Him- "Shouldn't you be cleaning the shit out of your piano?"
Her- "I changed my mind about his name. I think he's more of a Fluffy."
Him- "Fluffy it is. Welcome to the family, Fluffy."
Her- "From now on, YOU'RE the one I'm calling Shithead."
Him- "There you go, sweet talkin' me again."
Her- "Just hand over the goddam hedgehog, Shithead."
Him- "OK. Here. Careful."
(He puts the hedgehog in her hands).
Her- "OW! Ow! What the fuck?! I am bleeding! You little fucker!"
Him- "The spines are sharp."
Her- "Ja think!?"
Him- "I told you to be careful."
Her- "He's grunting! What does that mean?"
Him- "It means he's hungry. I'll get him some food."
Her- "Oh, no you're not. I'M getting Fluffy's food. Aren't I , Fluffy? Fluffy says yes."
Him- "I'm coming along."
Her- "No, Fluffy says that Mr. Shithead should stay here to clean Fluffy's crap out of my piano. Doesn't he? Yesss he does."
Him- (grumbling) "Fucking hedgehog always takes her side."
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schizofriendly (skit so frend lee) ADJECTIVE. The ability to cause insanity in others. Or the ability to communicate with the insane. From âschizophrenicâ and âfriendly.â
Her- Why were you talkin' with that fat, creepy homeless guy who's always talkin' to himself?
Him- Who? Oh, that's Bill. Yeah, he's schizophrenic. Sees dead people lying everywhere, trying to wave at him and talk to him.
Her- That's awful, how do you know him?
Him- I just met him on the streets here.
Her- So WHY do you talk to him? How do you even understand what he's saying?
Him- I've always been able to communicate with anybody. I'm schizofriendly.
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declarify (de klair if eye) VERB. To explain something so badly that it becomes meaningless.
Bushtard keeps trying to declarify his reason for going to war in Iraq. First it was to be a wartime president, then it was revenge for 9/11, then he wanted their weapons of mass destruction, then he had to get Saddam. Next he had to spread democracy, after that, it was to liberate the Iraqis and finally he's claiming the Democrats forced him to go to war.
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throbbery (throb bur ee) ADJECTIVE. The feeling of throbbing or pulsing sensations.
YEOW! I just wanged my funnybone on the stove- oh fuck, now it's all throbbery.
or,
Every time I listen to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor I get all throbbery inside.
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Congressmonkey (kon gres tard) NOUN. A member of the U.S. Congress noted for primitive beliefs and behavior.
Tom Tancredo was endorsed by the "pro white" Council for Conservative Citizens and Marilyn Musgrave was endorsed by the KKK. They want to jail all gays and illegal immigrants. These congressmonkeys are proof men descended from apes. And not very far, in some cases.
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millioneâer-do-well (mil yun aer do well) NOUN. A rich criminal. From âmillionaireâ and âneâer-do -well.â
America hasn't executed a millionaire since Juan Garza, in 2001, and he was a major drug kingpin and murderer. Phil Spector, O.J. Simpson and John du Pont all committed premeditated murder, so why aren't they on death row? They are millioneâer-do-wells. They had been paranoid, hyper aggressive assholes for years, but their money protected them.
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A person who has had the life fucked out of them by Senator Strom Thurmond.
Poor Tunchie! She changed since young Master Strom caught her in the linen closet. I think he done turn her into a strombie.
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