Poseidon’s Tongue

When you drop a sizable dump into the toilet creating a splash back with sufficient height to be able to reach the anus. The Poseidon’s Tongue is the one drop of splashback that licks inside the anus

Dave: wow, I dropped a hefer of a dump and ended up with a Poseidon’s Tongue
Keith: that’s horrendous, you poor bastard

grilled banana

When, during a sunbed tanning session, one forgets to cover ones member with either suntan cream or a towel. The result being a sunburned, unusable Polony Pony.

Did you hear about Ted? He can't bang that hooker he ordered online because of his grilled banana.

Physical Schizophrenia

Being so fat that you have to identify as 2 people

I was denied access to the fun fair ride due to my physical schizophrenia

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