skivise

Skivise (verb); A combination of the words 'skive' (to skip school or work/play truant) and 'revise' (to study for an exam) - to skivise is to skip school or work, in order to revise/study, usually for an important exam.

1.
Boy 1: Is Alex here today?

Boy 2: No, she's skivising, she's got her exams next week.

2.
I have an exam next week, but no free time to study for it - I'll skivise.

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minefield

A slut/a girl who sleeps around. Called a minefield because a lot of men have planted their flag there; this would give the appearance of a minefield. This term also implies there is a dangerous element; you never know when you might figuratively step on a mine and get an STD.

Don't sleep with Lisa bro, she's a minefield.

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Bathtub Chemist

Someone who manufactures illicit drugs in their back room, usually on a desk or in a bathtub. The conditions these drugs are made and stored in are usually very dirty and the drugs made are usually cut with various other substances (everything from cheaper drugs to talcum powder to bleach to rat poison), either because they have limited knowledge of drug manufacture and chemistry or (more likely) because they couldn't care less about the health and well-being of their prospective customers. They instead prefer to use less (or none at all) of the advertised drug per pill/dose and therefore increase profit.

A guy sold me a pill last night. He told me it was Ecstasy but it was mixed with all sorts of shit and I ended up in hospital. I'm sick of these bathtub chemists ripping me off!!

Ronnie Barker

Ronnie Barker was THE legend of comedy. Loads funnier than all of this American "comedy". I.e: Friends. (the only funny bit in the entire history of that programme is when Chandler walks into the spa naked and says: "So, I guess we wear swimsuits in here") Ronnie Barker is famous for the TV series' Porridge, Open All Hours ands The Two Ronnies Show. (You can watch some by typing Ronnie Barker into youtube) Even though he died last year, he died a legend.

Customer: Fork Handles

Shopkeeper: Fork Handles? (hands customer four candles)

Customer: No, fork handles. Handles for forks.

Ronnie Barker = Shopkeeper

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Pub Meeting

A pub meeting (also known as a bar meeting) is just that: a meeting held in a pub or bar. Said meeting is for 2 or more people to discuss anything vaguely serious and is not a social event.

However, due to the location and available alcohol, it often turns into a social event. For this reason, pub meetings are not hugely effective or efficient and not recommended if you want to get things done, genuinely discuss something that you are serious about or discuss business matters. They are best organised to discuss ideas in the form of a simple brainstorming session; and the addition of alcohol makes it that much more interesting.

We need ideas for that film we're gonna make. Let's have a pub meeting.

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mortal

To be very, very drunk. Contrary to the guy before me, the word 'mortal' is also used in the North-East of England (ie: Newcastle and Sunderland)

Last night, I was proper mortal!!!!

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suss

Short for 'suspect', and usually used when doing something against the rules or illegal. If you get sussed, you are suspected and subsequently caught/arrested.

1. I can't go home drunk, my mam will suss.

2. I was selling some E's to my mate, in school, but I got sussed by Mr. Blackwood.

3. Teacher: "Give me that cell phone, you shouldn't be using it in class!"

Guy 1: Dammit!!!

Guy 2: (to guy 1) Sussed!

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