Lancaster

The heart of Southeastern Pennsylvania, and the only Lancaster in the country pronounced in the Pennsylvania-Dutch style "LANK-es-ter." Like nearby Manheim, increasingly wigger-infested, with an equal population of cold bleach-blond social climbers and potential entrepreneurs.

Though the ubiquitous scent of manure from nearby farms belies its ruralness in comparison to its neighboring Philadelphia, being from Lancaster is not a direct indication of being Amish.

Although the quilts really are spectacular.

"Directions from Philly to Lancaster? Well, if you wanna avoid tolls, take the Schyukill to 202. After Reading, you'll hit Bird-in-Hand, and you'll wanna follow the freeway past Intercourse and then through Paradise. Lancaster is just on the other side of Paradise...Whaddya want in Lancaster, anyway? You Aymish or somethin?"

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