phone suicide

The act of purposefully breaking your phone in order to get a new one.

Johnny heard that the Samsung Galaxy S4 mini was coming out, so he committed phone suicide by throwing his old S3 in the pool.

humans

The friendly giants who have the power to: open doors, stroke their hands against our fur, feed us tasty kibble, and clean up our poop.

We have to disguise our voices with sounds unfamiliar to the human language. Sadly, if we ever communicate to the humans in their language, the outcome could be catastrophic.

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Adam Sandler

A very funny comedian in very typical movies.

John: Hey Tom, did you know they're making a new Adam Sandler movie?

Tom: Really? What's it about?

John: First, he's a wedding singer, who totally sucks, so he decides to be a drummer for a heavy metal band with Brendan Fraser. Then they do pretty much everything to be heard, so they hold a radio station hostage and spite of everything they did, they still become famous! Thats not all,
afterwards he decides to be a water boy for a football team, and then he is recruited to the football team and he does pretty well until he decides to play hockey instead! Things start going wrong and he is fired. Also his grandma's house is being held for auction, so he plays golf to buy the house back. Later on, he somehow has to take care of a kid and becomes a pretty bad parent. Afterwards, he is sent to anger management therapy with a very kooky psychiatrist. After all this was all a setup. On christmas he goes to a chinese restaurant (because he's jewish) and he gets drunk and then gets arrested and sentenced to community service coaching a basketball team. Later that night, his t.v remote brakes, so he goes to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy a new remote. Little did he know, the remote could control his life. And later on he abuses it's features, now he's screwed. After all Christopher Walken feels pretty sorry for him and takes him back to his normal life with his hot wife and they live happily ever after.

Tom: Sounds just like his last movie!

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Spanish Tony

The act of doggying a girl mid-flight on a Boeing 727 while simultaneously chopping a small line of cocaine mixed with Southeast Asian No. 4 heroin on her back. The man proceeds to snort the mixture of drugs before having orgasm.

"We gotta bail Joey out of jail!"

"Why? What happened?"

"He got caught giving a Spanish Tony to one of the flight attendants!"

"My god..."

Birding

The act of flinging a bag of shit out the window on an oncoming car's windshield.

Birding is very popular in canada.

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Anthony Weiner

A democratic Congressman who recently resigned. Whatever you do, NEVER FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER OR ELSE...

Recently, I followed Anthony Weiner on Twitter and he sent me a picture of his junk. Now I am scarred for life.

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dis' aint'

A common phrase used by black people in the ghetto. (this is not)

gangsta':YO! Dis' aint' money! dis's fok'n Monopoly money!
YO! Cap dat' bitch's ass wit' da' foty-two cal!

*gunshots*

mom: Are you playing those video games again?!

me: No, I'm watching National Geographic

mom: Oh. Okay.