band aids don't fix bullet holes

When someone has been shot and band aids aren't the solution to the problem.

MAN1 shoots MAN2.
MAN2 drops to the floor and dies.
MAN1: Oh no you poor baby. Need a band aid?
MAN1: Oh wait band aids don't fix bullet holes.
MAN1: Haha i'm clever and you're dead.
MAN1: Rip bish.

1👍 8👎

miracle of heaven

A good thing happens.

MAN: I just want a calzone right now, too bad I bought the latest COD game.
MAN2: Did anyone say Calzones?
MAN: Miracle of heaven!

no no parts

Basically your private part.

MAN: Hey lady!
WOMAN: Hi...?
MAN: So wanna head back to my place?
WOMAN: No thank you.
MAN: It was not an invitation it was an instruction.
WOMAN: What part of no don't you understand?!
COP walks up to her.
COP: Is there a problem here?
MAN: Eh, no... Not at all.
MAN runs away.
COP: Excuse me miss, did he touch you in your no no parts?
WOMAN: Um.. what..?
COP: That douchetard!

6👍 1👎

Boy zone

A man's private part.

MAN1: Man my no no part is way bigger than yours.
MAN2: No one cares about your non existing boy zone.

son of a female dog

Appropriate manner of saying 'Son of a b****.'

MAN steals cookies from a WOMAN.
WOMAN: Hey! Come back here!
WOMAN: You son of a female dog!

8👍 7👎

speed of light

Like really fast.

MAN: Did that chick just dodge that punch in the speed of light?
MAN1: I'm afraid so.

10👍 5👎

i see da bae

When you see the girl you like.

MAN1: Why do you always insist on hitting on girls who have boyfriends twice our size?
MAN2: I can't help the way I feel.
MAN2: When I see da bae. I go after da bae.