Non-Deal Deal

Non-deal Deal

These are everywhere. They are so-called “special offers” or “amazing discounts” designed to make you feel like the company offering the “deal” is doing you a massive favour but are actually making you spend more money than you would normally.

“Buy one – Get one free” or “up to 50% off selected products” (Please get a magnifying glass out at this point and read the microscopic print, i.e. the terms and conditions). T &Cs usually state a short redeem date, a minimum spend (10% off if you spend £100 or more – what kind of fuckin offer is that?) usually on something you don’t really need or want, like flowers or big cases of wine, products you don’t usually buy, things like glasses, or at a shop you never go to that much, like Halfords, Ann Summers, Threshers and M&S.

Me – Wow up to 50% off –let’s open this envelope and see what I can save money on!

OMG! It’s half price on a holiday to a private island on Dubai! Hmm, well I was going to go to Greece on a self-catering deal but let’s read on….. OK (squints at small print) – Must spend minimum of 1.5 million pounds/dollars etc, must be redeemed and holiday booked, within 2 weeks and holiday must be taken within 4 weeks. Travel insurance, spending money not included, meals not included, flight not included, must use pay toilet/bathroom and 30% service charge on all room service, meals in restaurants etc.

Oh OK that’s great – I’m saving 50%!!

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non-offensive swears

Oh Ffffffuuuuuuuuuuu..........nnnnnn!

Miss Goody2Shoes to Friend - "How naughty was that giggle giggle?"

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vacation dick

When you take dick from anything with good looks. You don't need to keep his so size doesn't matter in this situation.

That guy from the beach was so hot but the vacation dick was eh...