Xbox zombie

xbox zombie is the state-of-mind that you are in when your Xbox 360 is broken. You don't show any emotion, just playing Xbox 360 in your head.

Aaron: Jared are you Ok? You look like you are missing your best friend.

Jared: No man, my Xbox 360 just crashed it will be 2 months before it is returned.

Aaron:Get a life dude!! Don't act like an Xbox Zombie. There is more to life than staying up all night playing war with your buddies.

42👍 20👎

Jared Poop

When you have to poop so bad you pull off from the highway to shit.

The other day I was going to explode so I did a Jared Poop. Luckily no one drove by when I did it.

72👍 18👎

shirtain

Shirtain is when your wife hangs up all the wet shirts from the washer to air dry on a overhead door ledge.

Dammit !!! Every time i walk through the shirtain half of the shirts fall off and i need to pick them up. I wish she would just get a clothes line outside.

6👍 1👎

anus strange-hold

When you really have to shit and you sit on the toilet for an hour grunting and pushing but can't shit. Finally you squeeze out a small rock turd and thats all you do.

anus strange-hold
Aaron: Sorry to keep you waiting. I have had a major anus strangle-hold today.

21👍 9👎

fish'n shits

When you spend the day shitting on the edge of the boat because you drank too much beer the night before.

fish'n shits
Jared: Wow!!! that's my 10th keeper bass today. Tim, how many have you caught?
Tim: I caught me a bad case of fish'n shits. I can't even get to my pole. Hey!! hand me a cigarette!

21👍 2👎

Carni -cooties

Carni-cooties is after you leave the County Fair or State Fair the creepy feelings you have on your skin. Knowing that you touched the same thing as a carni worker or the freaks that only come outside once a year to go to the fair.

#1 - I feel like there are ticks crawling all over my skin after leaving the fair, it must be the carni -cooties.

#2 - Maddie, DON"T TOUCH ANYTHING UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE WASHED YOU HANDS 5 TIMES!!!!! I think we got some carni-cooties on us.

vapor lock

Vapor lock is when you eat something hot (like hot salsa). After the first bite, your tongue goes numb and you constantly hiccup for 10 minutes. Then things settle down and you can eat the rest of your salsa then.

1- Matt are you OK?
2- No, I have serious Vapor Lock.I just had some (hiccup) of Andy's Fire Salsa (hiccup) and I am lit up (hiccup).
1- Can get you any thing?
2- How about some more salsa and later you can get me a snow-cone to cool my ass off.

53👍 73👎