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When having vaginal sex in the doggy style position, the guy inserts his index finger into her asshole, removing a globule of shit. When she turs around to ask what the fuck he thinks he is doing, he attempts to paint a line from the closest side of her face down the length of her body. Extra points if he makes it to her ankle before she presses charges.
Bro 1: Dude, you and Krista are still down for that 5fdp show Friday, right?
Bro 2: Nah. I gave her the old Himalayan Pinstripe the other day, so we are done, I am broke from posting bail, and the judge said I couldn't leave the county...
61π 2π
Rigid Shit Sticks:
1) when you are deadleg shit shuffling to the toilet and feel your bowels starting to leak through your asshole, you stand a locking all joints in both legs, waiting for that Mondo dook the bubble is way backed up into your lower intestines until you get to the toilet
2) natural reaction of luberal dimocunt letfist assholes whenever they piss and moan about inconsequential bullshit like gun control, only to be rebuked by facts and logic from Trump supporters, and having no natural logical counter argument they revert to playing the race card, only realize that they played that fucking violin solo for so long it's now in the public domain!
I love watching all the letfist, luberal, dimocunt Rigid Shit Sticks that occur when they get called out on their bullshit
When you have a dream that you are a big, plump, steamy, juicy hotdog, so big and plump that the bun will not close around you. Then you realize that ketchup is sliding out the end of the bun, and then you wake up incarcerated, and your cellmate's chin is resting on your shoulder while he's fucking you up the asshole...
Hey, in prison such choices aren't always yours to make.
Jim got himself locked up and had the hotdog Dream. Now he can't shit without it looking like a Swiss cake roll.
53π 2π
An old Thai pastime involving at least four participants, two of whom must be male, a few spare chromosomes, and at least two viagra.
First the two males in question must buttfuck the other two participants for an equal, aforementioned period of time, without climaxing. Then, they must pull their shitdicks out and stand helmet to helmet, hands behind their backs, and swordfish the using only their hips, creating a meatsaber duel not unlike Luke vs Vader in Return of the Jedi. Neither can move their feet, or use any part of their body but their Dicks. First to quit, fall to a knee in pain, or breaks formation, loses, and must blow the victor.
If you have never witnesses a game of Chocolate-Frosted Tummy-Sticks, no example will do it justice...
The act of pulling out of a woman's mouth whilst receiving head, only to accidentally poke at her eye while jisming
Dude1: Ralphie got an amazing blowjob from that chick at the party, but he fucked up py pulling out and giving her the Serbian Monocle...
52π 13π
This is a deviant sexual maneuver that requires two people, a chair, and a pickle at least 7 inches in length. Person A positions the chair so that the back is flat against the floor, then proceeds to sit in it and masturbate rigorously. Person B inserts the pickle into their own rectum, then squats over person A's face and urinates in their mouth comma otherwise known as the Chickpee. Then, person B remove the pickle from their own rectum and inserted into person A's asshole, while A, still masturbating furiously, does their best impression of Terri Schiavo/Christopher Reeves/ Stephen Hawking, completing the second part of the process known as pickling the vegetable. Finally, just as person A is about to climax, B violently rips the pickle from the other person's ass comma throws it directly into their face causing a broken nose, screams Allahu Akbar infidel, and leaves to go Crusade the Holy Land.
Randy - dude what the fuck happened to your nose?
Darwin - Vegeta gave me an awful falafel last night, I knew that Sandy turban-wearing cameltoe bitch was fucking dirty but I didn't know she was that dirty! I hope president Trump bombs whatever third world shitbox her and her family are from!!!
Randy - give him time
25π 2π
A fraternity initiation in which four young men stand in a circle facing counterclockwise with their pants around their ankles and stick their right thumbs up the ass of the person in front of them and suck on their left thumb. They then march in a circle while some cheesy music like the song they used to torture Daryl on The Walking Dead plays, until someone shouts "switch" at which point they switch directions and thumbs. Rinse and repeat.
I was pledging for Chi Phi and they made us pull the Mississauga Switch for an hour. I'll never listen to EASY STREET again. Chi Phi eats too much corn...