Pussy Willow

A dick that won't get hard no matter what. Whether due to age, intoxication, or a brown bag with the lights off type of a girl, your dick flaps around in the same wind that blows the career of Keanu Reeves and the puberty caused tones of the Jonas Brothers.

(Girl waiting and wondering...)
Girl- What the monkey are you doing?
Guy- I'm slapping my dick against your leg so mini-me can wake the frick up, all I've got runnin' is a pussy willow.

(Two friends during a friendly chat)
Friend 1 - Hey, just to remind you, I fucked your ex on Saturday.
Friend 2 - Yeah, that's right, she was telling me how much she missed even my drunken pussy willow fucks with her on Sunday. Way to go you fricken duddy!

Can also be used in the past tense as a name:

Friend 1- Dude, I'm glad you took the hit for the team. How was it though?
Friend 2- Are you kidding me? Lights off, brown bagged and I was still left P.Willowfied at the sight of those brown wizard sleeves! (Can also substitute P.Dubafied)

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Duddied

An incident, act, or life entirely, which turned out to be a complete and utter catastrophe beyond comprehendable proportions.

(Derives from the lack of performance from a drunk individual's penis at a party, to the point where the chick leaves and dances with his friend.)

(George W. Bush during a State of the Union address.)
W. - The strategery used for the war may or may not have been the best. Hey, we duddied that one.

(Agent to John Cena)
Wow, we really duddied the ball on that one thinking you could act in The Marine huh?

(About to sign a contract in the Marine Corps.)
Recruiter- Why are you so urgent to sign?
Enlistee- I've really made nothing short of a duddy out of my life, mine as well sign for your duddy ass organization.