Ass Napkin

Classy word for toilet paper

After a healthly bowl movement i daintily wiped my cornshoot with a genrous supply of ass napkins

Shart Patrol

The 15 minute period after a shart (and clean up) that you hover around your bathroom. Just in case another hot one rises up in the chamber.

I was late for my dinner date as I was on shart patrol after an earlier incident.

CVAtric

The old bag that holds up a pharmacy line by asking endless questions about their prescription.

Sorry I am late there was a CVAtric in line that asked 25 questions about their arthritis cream.