He was forced to eat cement when he was 6

Am I funny yet

Me: He was forced to eat cement when he was 6
Family: Why are you the way you are

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Always guard your pepperonis

That one time in regular show the movie when muscle man from the future sexually assaulted his younger self by slapping both of his mantits onto his face right after teaching him the importance of always guarding his pepperonis

Future muscle man: I know something that you don't
Past muscle man: What's that?
Future muscle man: Always guard your pepperonis *aggressively slaps younger muscle man's mantits*
Past muscle man: AEAEAEAEAEAEAEASSDDRSDIHSICLOKALKAJK(that noise muscle man makes)

This kitten fuckin obeast

When the juvenile of the species felis catus appears to be abnormally obese

Person: THIS KITTEN FUCKIN OBEAST

Mort got us in a fucking car wreck

It all started when mort the part lemur (Microcebus lehilahytsara) part bear part starfish from the movie Madagascar decided to take the wheels, which he then crashed. Causing King Julien to paralyze from the neck down.

Here's what King Julien has to say:
"Mort got us in a fucking car wreck. I'm now paralyzed from the neck down and I cannot move it move it"

a sad but true story

what am I doing with my life

King Julien: Mort got us in a fucking car wreck. I'm now paralyzed from the neck down and I cannot move it move it
Me: haha meaningless humor to escape my responsibility go brrr

Sometimes it's hard to resist the urge to drive right off a fucking bridge

man drives right off a fucking bridge

Man: Sometimes it's hard to resist the urge to drive right off a fucking bridge HHHhahaha oh look there's one
HUUUUhddJSUGYDSDKUHDHGUDBUJWYDYJLAKSJLKDLJSHIDHKNEKBDIFHLSNDBKS

9👍 1👎

dream big and fart loud

do I even need to explain

Random Person: dream big and fart loud
Me, writing a definition: WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN

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