Chelski

Vladimir Putin's Premiereship team, the Moscow Blues, otherwise known as Chelsea. He owns them through Roman Abramovich, who claims to be the caretaker of this historic club, which is an outright lie because 1) Putin owns it by proxy and 2) Chelsea had no history before Putin bought one for them.

They currently had their assets frozen because their real owner decided that while he owns Chelski, he really wants a team with a real history, so while he's trying to annex Ukraine he's also trying to steal Dynamo Kyiv. When this whole mess is over the FA should send Chelski to Moscow (or maybe St Petersburg) where they belong and they can establish a rivalry with Spartak. That's if they don't get relegated to the Championship (where they really, really belong). Without being able to buy players every year they will eventually be in League One, they haven't developed a player in decades and will not be able to start now.

95% of their supporters have only been fans since the early 2000s and get all their football knowledge from FIFA video games; the other 5% have been deluded into thinking they are other than a crap club that would still be crap if it weren't for big daddy Putin.

Chelski fan: We've been the best team in the Premiereship over the last 20 years.
Gooner: We have 13 league titles and we did it without Russian blood money.
Chelski fan: But have you gotten 95 points in a season?
Gooner: We've done better, have you ever gone through a season undefeated? You know, like you're Invincible?
Chelski fan: 95 points is better.
Gooner: You got 95 points with an insecure little bus parking douchebag at the helm and Russian blood money, we were Invincible with a class act as manager and playing by the rules...now go back to League One were you belong!!!

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Gooner

What a Spud would be if they could ever grow up and get some self esteem and class. A Gooner is a supporter of the best team in North London and a club with real history and class.

One Spud to another: I wonder what it would be like to support a club that actually had an illustrious history and a chance of winning things!

Other Spud: That's a scary thought, I wouldn't know how to react. I think I'd rather keep supporting Spurs, at least I know I am really good at being disappointed. I wouldn't even begin to know how to be a Gooner!
First Spud: I feel the same way. Happy St. Totteringham's Day!!!