Bloody Mary

1. A classic cocktail made from vodka, tomato juice, salt, pepper, a celery stick and other spices. I'm told that I make the best in London which is annoying because I don't like them. Waste of vodka if you ask me.

2. The name we give to my insane grandmother. She doesn't mind...

1. "A bit too spicy, Mr Ben. I admit, I'm a pussy but I need some ice please."

2. "Would you like a cup of tea, Bloody Mary?"
"Am I free? Of course I am, dear..."

409👍 230👎

mid-shaft gash

A small but iritating (and extremely painful) cut halfway along one's penis.

"I can't tonight, love. I've got a mid-shaft gash."

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spanner monkey

A largely useless individual whose only career prospects are to work in maintainence departments painting walls and replacing light-bulbs. May have questionable habits such as an excess love of porn, language that would make a soldier blush and a equally useless son.

"Why can't one of those spanner monkeys come up here to fix the lights?"

30👍 11👎

gloop

To shoot or snipe someone in the back, without their knowledge (and probably, their approval).

"I would happily shoot him if he was on the job. Gloop him!" - Rimmer to Lister, "Red Dwarf - Justice"

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Sky News

The world's first, greatest and only 24-hour-a-day rolling news channel. Only it has commercials. And shit journalists with corporate agendas. Basically, the Western World's equivilent to Communist Chinese TV.

"And now on Sky News, there's trouble at our rival station BBC News 24. Hahaha! Serves them right. Ahem! Where was I?"

62👍 18👎

dufus

A kindly way of saying that one is stupid. Certainly much nicer than calling someone a fuckwit, anyway.

"You dufus! Click the Print button if you wanna print, not the Close button!"

177👍 102👎

McCinsey

The absolute worst form of something. The opposite of the Real McCoy - if it's the Real McCinsey, you're fucked mister!

"This pizza is total McCinsey! I want my money back, bitch!"