Turd Hurdle

Anything in ones way along the most direct path between your current location and the nearest toilet when arriving at the privy is a very "time sensitive affair". These obstacles should be lept over with haste and zeal proportional to how severe a turtle head is in progress.

"Dude, Jibba gambled with some Taco Bell and lost, he stiff legged it all the way to his front door, he opened it up and his dog rushed him, his girlfriend started in on him, and his cell phone rang simultaneously. He proved he has mastered the art of the turd hurdle."

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Lardabeetus

Diabeetus multiplied by a thousand

Tom's so fat he practically has Lardabeetus