Meanderthal

A term used to describe a disinterested, uncommunicative and disaffected man usually found meandering back and forth between the snack and liquor tables at “stupid” parties hosted by his girlfriend’s or wife’s “boring” friends.

Heather: Kelly, your boyfriend, Cornelius, hasn’t talked to anyone the whole time, and he’s just been standing over there for about hour stuffing his face with nacho dip and slamming beers.

Kelly: I know, he’s being a total meanderthal.

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Cornelius

Cornelius: a name typically stereotyped or given definition by persons not named Cornelius; who have never met a Cornelius; or who are jealous they are not a Cornelius. A Cornelius and his corresponding lifestyle can be used to profound and lasting effect, as no one ever forgets meeting or sharing a memory with a Cornelius. A Cornelius’ magnetic, effervescent and fearless persona is generally a product of having survived a lifetime of name abuse at the hands of blandly named, high-fiving d-bags named Mike, Phil, Steve and/or Rob. Cornelius’ generally enjoy expectations because they never disappoint. Little can also be done to stop a Cornelius once he starts talking, drinking, smoking, fighting, yelling and schmoozing, and rest assured, if you’ve made to back to Cornelius’ home after having met one, you’ve already made up your mind to make him breakfast.

Tiffany: So, I met this guy last night and the only way I could get him to shut up was to sleep with him.

Gisel: Was his name Cornelius?

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Gum Burn

The burning, stinging cold one feels in the mouth and/or throat area while drinking cold water after or during a piece of particularly potent mint chewing gum.

Shipley: Jesus Christ, thanks for the piece of cooling, peppermint gum, but it makes my teeth hurt and throat sting when I drink this refreshing, cold bottle of water.

Cornelius: Fucking gum burn man, it’s almost as bad and slurpee brain.

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