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i am in constant agony, this is not a joke; please help me

I am in constant agony. My life is a mess. As a kid I had a natural aptitude for math and science, but I let it get to my head, ultimately ruining my possibility to go to college.

I wasted my life playing video games and watching the television; the natural talents I once had have apathied and worn away, leaving the one thing I was good at behind.

My life has been nothing but a fastly accelerating downward spiral and I have failed to provide anything of with to anyone.

Isaiah: Hey, Ed! Haven't seen you in a few years, how are you don't?

Me: I am in constant agony, this is not a joke; please help me.

Isaiah: ...
Me: ...
Isaiah: yeah, same.

by MrDrEdward October 31, 2021

15👍 2👎


I Laughed

Self-explanatory phrase. Used when you describe a time you laughed. Given the way it is phrased, it could be sarcastic to describe a situation where you weren't laughing.

I Laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. But I wasn't really laughing. I was crying with a smile so nobody else would be hurt. I don't need help. Just a real laugh.

by MrDrEdward May 20, 2024


Red Ryder BB Gun

A gun that shoots BB pellets, and is highly desired by young children in the 1940s. It has a secondary purpose as a device with which to shoot your eye out.

Kid: I want a Red Ryder BB Gun!
Every adult within a 3km radius: You'll shoot your eye out, kid!

by MrDrEdward February 2, 2022


bogos

Binted

Bogos Binted 👽

by MrDrEdward July 9, 2021


righteous bison

The objectively best weapon in TF2.

"You can't use the righteous bison! It is the worst!"
"You fool. You dare underestimate the bison?!"

by MrDrEdward May 18, 2021


No

No

No

by MrDrEdward December 5, 2020


Poor unfortunate souls

Term used to describe unlucky people who are in pain and need of assistance due to an issue eating away at them.
They come flocking to anyone willing and able to help them, no matter past reputation, and without checking for ulterior motives.
See also: Cryto Bro, MLM, Alternative Medicine

"Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying "Spells Ursula, please!"
And I help them
Yes I do!

by MrDrEdward April 14, 2024